A Some Efica Mommy

Sick of being sick!

2012-01-09T23:14:00.000+02:00

I have not yet started blogging about the actual topics I would like to discuss, I guess I am just feeling my way around blogging again. I am just not so much into whats going on in the world other than my own since I have been on Maternity Leave I guess. I have slipped into total mommy mode. Things are so bad that all I catch myself thinking is what the next child needs and what needs to be done for the other. I actually just packed the kids school bags, the babies bag for his vaccination and then have to express after I write this. Mommy life is hectic I tell you, and one would think that with almost four months with three kids, I would have figured things out by now. Sadly there is still so much I have to figure out, and sometimes it is more than tiring.

One of those tiring times is when everyone in the house gets sick all at the same time for example. Everyone in my house has had the flu for the past week. Mommy has to all of a sudden be the cleaner, cook, doctor and the night nurse. Adding to the pain of this past week, I happen to have the flu again!! Why again you ask, well I am fed up of getting it. I use to be one of those people who only get the flu every two years, and it was just for those few days and I could carry on for the next two years untouched. Well all that changed this past November.

I have only been admitted to a hospital twice in my whole life. The first, when I a was born and the second, when I delivered L via C section. But never did I think I would be admitted a third time for a random virus that every child gets. Well I was sent to hospital and kept there for 5 whole days. Even with a major surgery like my C section I only stayed four days, so this really threw me for loop.

I have had Mumps before, yes, just like every other adult I know.... but try having mumps so many times that it even baffles the doctors. After blood tests were taken, I had developed the antibodies to fight off the infection, but for some reason they were just not doing their job every time I got sick. But it had been years since any Mumps infection had touched me so I assumed that that part of my life was all over. Boy was I wrong.

Early in October, L came home with swollen glands and I immediately knew what it was. We went to see his pediatrician who then said to wait it out a week with pain meds. Since I happened to be at home with J, this was perfect timing. L healed up well and was back to school the following week. Three weeks later, A came home with the same swelling in the glands, but was a lot more oblivious of the pain than L. The following morning as I packed for her trip to the Paediatrician, I noticed that my glands were also slightly swollen and sore. Being used to regular swollen glands that came and went, I was sure it would be gone in two days or so. Well, we were sent home with the same news for A that we got for L a few weeks before. The following morning I got up to look after A and J and noticed the swelling in my face seemed to be getting worse instead of better and the pain was increasing. I then went to my GP who then gave me meds, took bloods and sent me on my merry way. That should have helped right...

The weekend went by and Sunday morning I looked like I gained a ton by just looking at my face. The swelling was out of control and nothing including the shot I got that day seemed to do anything for me. I was a freak show to the people who saw me. I literally looked like I had fat stuffed into my cheeks and jaw and my entire chin and neck had become one. It was horribly painful. To make along story short, I ended up being admitted into hospital the following Monday, put on two courses of Antibiotics and eventually started looking decent again.

Even though the meds in hospital helped to fight the Mumps virus, which I am grateful for, it seriously weakened my immune system at the same time. I have up till now had the flu a number of five times, sinus infections, tonsillitis, throat infections and been coughing for weeks at a time. My body has just been taking beating after beating and I have frankly had enough of feeling sick at this point. L has had a temp since Sunday this week and the Paediatrician we went to see today seems to think that I am the common agent in the kids runny noses and coughs since I am sick constantly, but I still have to care for the kids for most of my days.

So today I took action... I got all the herbal meds I could find to help my immune system return to normal and to fight the flu, that I can of course take while breast feeding since that is my number one priority at the moment.

Now I hope you holding thumbs with me that I can shake this being sick nonsense and bring you more intellectual and intriguing pieces to read.

A Merry Christmas Two

2012-01-07T22:58:00.000+02:00

Its 23:34pm here and I am standing at mu kitchen counter typing this. Why in the kitchen at this hour? Well right across from me on the stove I am frying my minced meat for my family famous Lasagne. Well I know its weird to be cooking this late at night, but with our incredibly active lives and my knack for long family visits, we only got into the front door at at 21:30 and had to still get the baby bathed. My almost 2 year old then decided it would be a great idea to use the floor to wee on so a bath was in order for her too. Baby took a while to fall asleep and now I finally got to the kitchen to start tomorrows lunch.

So tomorrow we get to celebrate my favorite holiday for the second time. I just love Christmas and as my mother in law put it " we will be having Christmas again tomorrow" Really, it just my family and in laws having Sunday lunch together for my father in laws sake as he was away over Christmas. But I still love the fact that we will be doing it again. My hubsters family can't seem to get enough of my Lasagne for some reason so without even asking, I know its what I am meant to prepare. I don't mind though since I am huge Lasagne lover myself. Unfortunatelly I have to sacrifice my sleep to be standing here and making it as we have to attend our church tomorrow which starts at 8:30am which means I will be up at 5:45 to get everything ready for the kids, and getting the kids done to so that we can be out of the door by 7:45am for the latest as our church is 45 minutes away from our house.

When I read what my life is like, I cannot believe how little sleep I actually get because I am always doing all these things. But to be honest, to spend time with family, having delicious lunch and just relaxing on a second Christmas... I would do it any day :)

So let me get on with making my white sauce and I hope you have a Merry Christmas Two!

Getting Active

2012-01-07T00:39:00.002+02:00

Today I took a giant step to a healthier lifestyle. I had a long speed walk with my best friend and her husband this evening. This is HUGE for me, I mean I am the person who buys a two year gym contract and only attends for two weeks. To be honest, I have not seen the inside of a gym or done any real exercise in years, other than walking till I drop in the mall of course. I enjoyed the walk, the conversation and now am sitting here at 23:43 PM and enjoying the adrenaline the walk gave me.

I like exercise, really I do, the problem I find myself having is consistency. I am very well known for my lack of consistency in all the areas in my life. For some reason I cannot stay interested in something long enough to either accomplish it or continue doing it, photography being the exception. I really do want to change this annoying habit , I really, honestly do, but cannot possibly seem to convince my brain that an hours workout per day would do wonders for my mood and my body too. People with ADD are actually encouraged to exercise so I should be actually doing some more activity everyday, it might also help with some of the anxiety I experience from time to time. That should be a good motivator, right, but yet I still find it hard to be entirely convinced.

And then there is the weight issue. It was bad a year ago but I think I am slowly moving into the morbidly obese area according to my BMI. This really does scare the heck out of me. Many of us looove sitting on the couch with some snacks and a movie, especially on the cold night. But do I really want to be one of those people who cannot move off the couch because I have eaten so much that I have literally become part of the couch? Look, honestly, skinny would not look good on me but the weight I am currently carrying is literally starting to weigh me down. I do know that my diet also plays a large roll in losing all this weight and I actually made changes in my grocery shopping to encourage better eating habits for my entire family. Unfortunately exercise is not something I can just buy and make.

It is so easy these days to just go into a shop and buy a Tae-bo of Zumba DVD and do the workout in your own living room, and in fact I own a Tae-bo DVD. But I don't actually know anyone who had purchased any of these products and actually used them for a prolonged period of time. It was an option I considered, but being at home would just give me a whole array of excuses not to actually exercise.

My biggest fear and my best friends biggest peeve about me is my concern for my kids. For weeks now I have been trying to wrap my brain around who will take care of J when I return to work in two weeks, so leaving him in someones arms everyday for an hour, while he probably screams his head off, scares the crap out of me. J has the habit of waking up the minute I have left him with someone. It must be some instinct that he has. This exact thing happened tonight. The other thing I worry about is how much time I will get to spend with my two older kids when I go back to work. They go back to pre-school on Monday and return at 17:00pm when I get home. After which supper needs to be prepared, they need to be bathed fed and read to before bed. My hubby works a lot of nights now and will not be around as much as I will, should I not be spending every moment I possibly can with the kids. But then again, I need to become healthy and improve the way I live for my kids, and the only way I can really do that is to sacrifice that one hour and get my bum into action.

There seems to be more things that should encourage me to want to get out there and exercise than not, but is it not strange that as a mother, our concerns are ten times more focused on what we think our children need. I always feel like my children need me, but I think the year of 2012 should be a year where I consider that making myself better will make me a better and happier mother.

So instead of saying I am going to go for a walk or do some Tae-bo everyday, I am just going to say that I will not complain about the pain and will not turn down an opportunity to do something active but I will not beat myself up on the days I don't get any exercise either.

Those were the days

2012-01-05T22:18:00.001+02:00

Today was the release of the senior high school students results in South Africa, and it reminded me of how high school was for me.

I finished school a not so long 9 years ago and I still can't believe that it has been that long. I really loved high school and everything associated with it.

I attended two high schools, In grade 8 I went to the public school in our area which was a year I will never forget. Reuniting with my childhood best friend, becoming part of the 5 girls known as the Superior Ladies, getting heart palpitations when the most popular boy in school asked me to be his girlfriend and nearly dying when he kissed me. Yip my first year in high school was quite eventful even after I found out that the most popular boy actually had a steady relationship with someone else and was dating me just to make me feel good :(

My parents moved me to a Private Christian School in grade 9 which I was not so keen on at first, but I made great friends and even better memories. I sang for the South African Christian Schools Choir for some time, was very involved in the praise and worship during school assemblies and loved English and my English teacher... no... she was a woman.

But not forgetting the not so good things I did too...drinking at choir camp to name juuust one...lol

Those were truly the years I tell you. Whenever I hear a Brian McKnight song, or a Maxwell song, I am reminded of the days I used to sing during first period or the first real broken heart I had. Those were the times I think shaped me to become the person I am today. My broken heart pushed me into my husbands arms, Brian McKnight taught me how to love in his words and those same friends I made in grade 6, are the same friends

I have today.

I must admit that life was pretty simple back then, I had no real worries never thought that 9 years down the line I would be a married mother of three kids. In fact my idea was to get straight into my studies, get my Masters Degree and then settle down. I did however get the two boys I always wanted. Not exactly in the order I desired but they are all here now.

I do wonder though what my life would have been like if I were like some of the students featured on the news who received the highest accolades in their classes today. Would I have fallen pregnant at 19, would I have married at 21 and would I be the crazy mom I am today.... I wonder.

But no regrets, as any mom would say, their lives would not be the same without their kids, and it ain't any different for me.

My 2011

2012-01-03T23:20:00.000+02:00

I just read over my last real post, and I honestly cannot believe its been over a year. So to start off today's post, I will fill you in on the gaps from that day.

A few posts back I spoke about needing a new job, in fact i really needed a permanent job. Well in March of 2011, it finally happened. I had been sitting in the same bank for so many years, holding my breath for something more stable to come along. And finally, in my year of change, it came through. The job is not the greatest, and not something you necessarily make a career out of, but the people and the environment make all the bad days worth it. I have never worked in a place where I feel so at ease with the people around me. Even my boss, and his boss are such great people. I feel like I struck gold this time. They are determined to make our division a great place to work and I can whole hearteldy say that they a hitting the nail right on the head.

Well, reflecting back on my most recent post, I mentioned something about losing weight and succeeding at it. It is however sad to say that that only lasted for a very short while because a few weeks later I had a huge MOTHER of a SHOCK!! I was pregnant!! To be honest, it was not as huge a shock as you would think. I knew exactly when it happened....NOOOOO, I was not planning to have anymore babies, and my Hubster was done with kids for LIFE. Unfortunately, I know my body too well and knew something was up when I ovulated three days late.
But hey, God knew what he was doing and on the 21st of September 2011, I birthed J, my amazing 3.4 kg baby in a huge tub. Another shocking birth story to be updated soon. He is soo cute and adorable, but nothing prepared me for his really intense scream. That none stop scream that makes any mother cringe. Yes, here I was thinking motherhood would still be as easy with three kids as it was with two... but man was I wrong. L, now 5 years old pretty much can do anything for himself, but A at only 20 months and still teething, was making it even harder to deal with my highly sensitive newborn. There were days when things were so bad, I felt like running away. I still to this day wonder how other mothers have more kids and cope with all it requires. At least over this December my Hubby has been home to help me with the kids so the antidepressants and stress have gone out the back door for the moment.
Sadly I have only three short weeks left at home on Maternity leave, and thinking of going back to work is really scaring me at this point. Child care, especially with Mr screamer, J, is my biggest concern, but all I can do is deal right now, there are not very many options at this point since going back to my full time job is not optional.

L and A have grown so much this year. A is talking out dictionaries already and is really good at giving one the evil eye. I Love her resilience and the fact that she is not afraid to try anything, and I mean anything. She is as wild as I was as a little girl and has so much fun all of the time. I find it really funny to sit and watch other mothers gasp when she slides down the playground slide all by herself and runs right back up to do it again. Her personality has really started to blossom and I cant wait to see what more she learns.
L is still my big sensitive superman. One thing I am really learning about him is that although he makes friends incredibly easily, he is terrified of performing in front of big crowds. At the pre-school graduation he gave up the chance to be the prince because being a tree was more appealing. At first I thought it was because there was only one prince and eight tree's, but finally figured out it was because he had to kiss one of the girls in is class, he would rather die than do that. He has decided that growing up is not an option for him, in his words "mommy, I don't want to grow up because I don't want a girlfriend". I so look forward to showing him this piece when he gets his first girlfriend...lol

On another front, I am still very involved with my Photography and am really hoping to take it to new levels this year. I think I have improved quite significantly although there are a lot of things I still need to work on... but I love learning about it and am definitely going to take further steps to become the best that I can be.

I think that is pretty much all the real excitement I had to 2011, not much but true.

BLESSINGS

2012-01-02T23:13:00.001+02:00

Happy NEW YEAR!!!!

Yes yes, I am back, and back with a bang!! So much has happened in this past year that I have no clue where to begin... but I so want to tell some of the amazing stories that came out of my 2011 so hold on tight because there will be lots and lots to read!

I missed this medium of communicating with the world so much and cannot express my excitement of being able to come back permanently!

There will be loads of changes to the page in the coming weeks so please be patient with the construction in progress. So here signing out for my first of many posts for the year 2012... I am saying good day to all, will be back with some great stories tomorrow :)

Coming back soon.... Very soon...

2011-07-21T17:49:00.001+02:00

Coming back soon... Watch this space...

2011-07-21T17:46:00.000+02:00

I know I know... a dissapearing act...

2011-01-28T10:58:00.000+02:00

Its been forever since I blogged, and honestly, feels like forever since I wanted to blog. Its strange that when life throws you a huge mother of a curve ball, things like social networking and blogging are just not fun anymore...but life seems to be slowly falling into place and God seems to be taking me seriously when I say this is a new year for new beginnings. I must admit, I missed sharing my thoughts here...not sure if anybody missed me too...lol

Well to catch you up, let me first say, Belated Merry Christmas and New year to all... I Hope this year is as great as mine is already starting to look. We took a looooong trip in December to George, Knysna, Mossel Bay and Cape Town. What a lovely trip it was. I already miss it, but the drive was horrible. Note to self, save enough money to fly next time. I'll blog pictures tomorrow so that everyone can see the beauty South Africa holds from a true South African.

Photography has really gotten under my skin these past few weeks, every time I pick my Camera up, I seem to love it more each day. I really wish I had found it sooner, but no better time then now I guess.

I finally really made some changes to my diet... sticking to it this time... and man has it made a difference. I have already lost about 5 Kilogrammes since the beginning of the year and I feel great. Brown rice, whole wheat pasta and grilled food are all I want these days, no fat or fast food at all!

I have done some real soul searching in the past few weeks and have really committed myself to getting to pray and reading my Bible everyday. My goal this year is to really seek the heart of God and get off my own power trip. So far, so good... :)

So to show of some of what I learnt...although I know there are a million adjustments I need to make to this... here are two pics I took of my baby for her birthday on Saturday.Will you believe I used Wall paper over my floor tiles and Natural light coming in from the door on the left hand side. Got these great actions I used to Edit from the Coffee Shop Blog and I am just luuuving it.. let me know what you think?

Blessings...

Simple, right?

2010-12-09T09:36:00.000+02:00

My little handsome Superman is now a whole four years old, but his mouth just turned twenty. I knew that having a little sister would raise some uncomfortable questions, but never did I think they would come up so soon.

We are very open about our bodies and "private parts" in our house, I just did not want my kids feeling that their nakedness and parts were something to be ashamed of. Much to my mothers dismay, we have very accurate names for those parts. I really don't think names like "flower" and "willy" really made any sense, so just imagine what the kids thought.

Many parents may not agree with my views on this, but I read a lot about it and would rather have them know their bodies for themselves at a young age, other than having people outside of our home teaching them about all they have. I can just see my mom cringing to this topic...lol

Well, since hubby works out at night a lot, I take care of the kids mostly on my own, and bathing both separately did just not make sense since I have to do it while I am busy cooking supper. Knowing that they are both in the same place and that L could call me if something was wrong with A at any time, puts my mind a little more at ease. But of course bathing them together would spark a little more interest in the different sexes than I would like right now, but what can I do?

At first L used to tell me how he and his dad are the same, and have the same "parts", which was fairly easy to explain. He understood that, and was happy that he and his dad were so closely related in those areas.
But then things took a sudden surprise turn. Here is how the conversation went:

L:       "Mommy, I need the toilet."
Me:    Helping him to sit down.
L:       "Mommy, Daddy and me are the same neh"
Me:    "Yes L"
L:       "And mommy, we both have........, neh"
Me:   " Yes L"
L:       Taking a second to think
L:      " Mommy, so what do you and A have?"
Me:    Laughing hysterically
Hubby:   Runs to hide in the kitchen, laughing out loud.
L:       Staring at me curiously.
Me:     " Why do you ask that L?"
L:        "Mommy, me and Daddy are the same, you and A are the same, but what do you have?"
Me:      Trying to compose myself, still laughing.
Me:    " A and Mommy have ....."
L:        "Oh, okay. Mommy, Please wipe my bum"

And that is where it ended. For some reason I thought the questions were going to become more detailed in nature, and was terrified of how I was going to answer all those questions. But he is still four, needs his mommy to wipe his bum, and in that little brain of his, that was a satisfying answer, I guess.  He has asked a few times what it is called again, but never more than that. Maybe he just needed a name to associate it with, and boy and I glad he had the courage to ask me. I really would not want him to find out from some other misinformed four year old.

So this was the beginning of many years of awkward questions, and since hubby takes the first exit when the topic comes up, I will be the one answering all the not so nice to answer questions.

Simple, Right?

This Post was inspired by Mama Kat's Writers Workshop Prompt No 1. Simple.

Mama Kat's Writers Workshop

Do you Dare to Love

2010-12-08T15:43:00.000+02:00

I must admit that the first time I decided to take on the Love Dare, I was so full of energy and inspired to make a change in my marriage for the better. What I did not realize is that I was doing it all for the wrong reasons. For those of you who follow the blog, you would have noticed that I updated the dares to a point and then just stopped. Well I was just avoiding it because I was so angry that it was doing nothing to CHANGE my husband, when in actual fact, it was supposed to be changing me. My focus was in the wrong place and only after My first Love Dare book was stolen (yeah, I know) did I realize that I was so wrong.

Well, I bought the book again a few weeks ago. Armed myself with both the Love Dare Website and a friend who is doing it with me at the same time, and things have been a whole lot better.

When you start to read the book, you are forewarned that this will not be easy, and I did not take that likely until I reached a place in the book that I have yet to move forward from. All the days up until Day 11 " Love Cherishes", were pretty easy. But then I got hit with a brick, and I am stuck under it. Days 12 and 13 are the hardest dares I have hit yet.

Day 12: Love lets the other win

Day 13: Love fights fair

I have never thought of conflict in a loving way, and what makes these two days even harder for me is that I am used to getting my own way, most of the time. I have even found a way with words, in order the convince others that my way would suit everyone best. Not a very becoming trait, I know, but its how I taught myself to be. You will not believe that I have been wrestling with these two dares for 5 days now, and have yet to move past them. I am however preparing myself to go through the first few very important dares to help push me into deciding that my way is not always best. I mean I got passed being patient so far, so letting someone else win a fight should be a breeze, right?

Well, as far as response to doing the dares, it has been very good. Maybe things are not changing the way I would have preferred, but I am okay with that, because at the end of the day, its not all about what I want.

Join me in doing the Love Dare and tell me how it is working for you.

Writers Block

2010-12-08T14:07:00.003+02:00

This Big head of mine has been so filled with being busy that I really have had no time to blog, and the times I have available, I kind of hit a serious case of writers block. For some reasons the ideas have all flown out of the window, and yes I know that I have loads of Weigh In Monday, Love Dare, Writers Workshop and Wordless Wednesdays to catch up on, but I, I really don't want to do that right now.

So here is just a two of the few things I am busy with at the moment. Two out of a thousand.

Please do me the honor and Vote for my ANGEL here every day till the 31st of January 2011.

And here are my upcoming Two Weekend Photo Shoots

Linking up to Wordless Wednesday at A Beautiful Mess

inspiration...

2010-12-03T09:02:00.001+02:00

Lately I have not had time to do much, but I have had the opportunity to stop and read a few articles and chat to a few people on Facebook this morning, and how relaxing it was. I came across one on my Facebook friends and was looking at his pictures ( not a stalker I promise ), and noted how talented and fortunate he was to be living his dream. He frequently comments on how God has blessed him with the Opportunity to do what he loves every day and I am so inspired by all he does. On his 25th birthday this year, he had people bring things for Charity, which is such a fantastic thing.

So because he Inspires me, I thought I would do a Shout out post to the three of South Africa's Young Adults who do what they do because they love it.

First up, Jstar (Joshua) Zacheus, who grew up in about 15 min from me. I knew him as a kid and our parents grew up together in the old Kliptown. He comes from a incredibly talented family. He is the 7th Child from his family and every single one of his bothers and sisters have a gift for music. He has been travelling with artists like Lira and Danny K, doing his thing. The one thing that is really inspirational about "Drummer Boy" is that he still knows where he is from. He has touched fame, but stayes humble and true to who and what he knows. With all he does, I have no idea where he finds the time to still do hip hop with his crew B-Supreme. Slowly but surely, his following on Facebook grows, but he does not allow it to deter him. He truly has a drumming talent one rarely sees.

To check out more about Jstar go here, video here and Facebook Page here.
Next up, I don't know her personally, but have been following her since the day I first saw her on South African Pop Stars, and now on Twitter. Lois Du Plessis no longer resides in South Africa, but still stays true to her roots. She became a member of the group Afro - Z on South African Pop Idols a couple of years ago, and I still remember the one video they made, " just throw your hands, up in the air ", I used to love that song. Unfortunately, things did not last long for the group, but that did not hold Lois back.

She got snapped up by one of the gospel artists that I most admire, whom I listen to every single day, and now is a family member of Israel Houghton and New Breed in Houston Texas. The one thing that stands out about her is that she Loves the Lord, and she can only do better.

To check out more of Lois you can check her out on Twitter/Facebook and here is a quick video of what she does with New Breed.

Last but most definitely not least, is a very young man that I would have not have even known about if I had not been updating my hubbies Facebook profile ( Okay I now I'm an addict ...lol ). Hubby is friends with him on Facebook, and I really only checked him out when I saw that he was friends with Jstar. I then got thrown by a ton of bricks. This now 20 year old South African, who now lives in the US, also a drummer, but unique in his very own way. Ramon Sampson won the Drum Off Competition in 2009 and has just been booming since then. The skill he has is unmatched and one I have never seen before. I am so inspired by his drive to excel and the love he has for what he does. The thing I found funny is that every other drummer he stands by is much bigger than him, but he carries a huge talent. So the saying is true, big things do come in small packages.

To see a video of Ramon's skill go here, read more on his Drum Off win here and his My Space here.

Belated Aids day

2010-12-02T15:35:00.000+02:00

I know I am a whole day late, but no better time than now.

People talk so much about the virus here in South Africa that I think most of us have gotten deaf to what it is all about. Even my 4 year old can describe what Aids is to me without really having to understand the disease.

I don't even really know anybody who has the disease and our country has 2.8 million infected people out of a population of over 49 million. Who knows, I probably encounter an infected person every single day and will never know.

The thing that gets me is that we hear so much about how people are suffering from the disease and then we have rich ( gold digging ) celebrities who boast about how nice it is to be wealthy and that they will not feel guilty for having all of this money flying around. And here I sit, with a meager job and an even more meager salary, but I feel guilty for not having enough to share with those who need it for food and medication that could save their lives. Call this a vent if you like, but I am not a fan of people who sit up in the high rise mansions who only give a R5 to the person on the street when asked. Where is our humanity?

Have these people not heard the saying "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility"
Is it not their responsibility to be seen in areas like Limpopo where Half of women on the farms there are HIV positive. If I had the money and means, I would certainly be out there doing what I need to to help those. An HIV+ women is devastating to a household as in most of our rural areas, they are the ones providing and caring for their families as the men are absent from their lives.

So instead of ranting about what those who are privileged enough but don't do anything, it just makes sense that someone as small and insignificant as I, try to make some effort in helping, even if my contribution is small.

There are many HIV+ Children who are orphaned everyday, and get dropped and left in homes and orphanages. I have made the promise to myself to start visiting at least one as much as I can. I want my kids to learn the value of helping people in need and how much value it adds to their own lives.
My heart simply breaks to see so many children having to suffer because of their parents mistakes.

So what have you done for those in need to day?

And more importantly DO YOU KNOW YOUR STATUS?!

Leaning while taking a break

2010-11-24T15:31:00.000+02:00

Two weeks since my last post and I have a good excuse this time... lol.
I have been so incredibly busy that I have not even gotten the chance to log on.
I did miss it all though, so now I am taking a quick break from my hectic life just to allow myself
to breath some.

These few weeks have taught me a lot of things I shall never take for granted ~~ever~~ again.
Wonder what they are, well here is a list of 10 things I should never forget.

1. Never leave things for the last minute.
I have been everything from scolded to smirked at because of my ever growing procrastinating nature.
Unfortunately this is due to my "want to do everything I can all the time" syndrome.

2. Never tell your husband you are leaving him just to get a reaction.
Why did I not learn this one the first time that I did it. BIIIG mistake, and it backfired perfectly.
Suffice to say, he has not taken too kindly to anything I have done since and I have had to return to
my humble ways...what a crock!!! ( good thing he does not read my blog right )

3. Never think people will forgive you if you act as if you don't have time for them.
I have come up with every excuse in the book for the things I have still to do, nobody is
and probably will never be impressed by my ~~horrid~~ behaviour.

4. Always stick to your principles no matter how far you are pushed.
I will let that one speak for itself.

5. You don't have to spend all of your free time spending time with your kids.
I learnt this the hard way. I have been feeling so guilty about having to be at work these days that
I neglected other things to spend all my free time with my kids. I have help, I should be utilizing it, right.

6. Stick to your word as much as you can.
OR else you just end up looking like the fool...

7. Make a list of things that need to be completed everyday.
Who knows how much I would have gotten done if I just did that.

8. Don't get emotional over the phone at work where THE WHOLE WORLD can hear you.
I have a habit of getting emotional on the spot. Not a very becoming quality as people stop feeling
sorry for you at one point, they just end up feeling pity for you.

9. Stop telling the world what is going on in your home.
Too late for that one...

And finally...

10. Do your best at every single thing you can, who cares if you burn out.
That is so true in my life... wish I could be that brilliant, its a shame I end up burning myself
out before I become perfect at it ALL!!

There it is, what my life has been like in the last while. I started this blog thinking that I would be inspired by
my good and bad days, turns out I was wrong. For some reason when I am having a ~~bloody horrible and Flippen mother of a~~ bad day, the inspiration goes out with my good mood.

Hoping ~~with all my might~~ for better days ahead or this 2010 can go and suck my ~~bloody flippen crock of a~~ big toe!!

Brain Transplant

2010-11-09T15:25:00.000+02:00

For the past couple of weeks I have come up with tons of ideas for blog posts and I though I would jot them all down so that I could space them out over time. Some of them were really great ideas and I got exited at just the thought of sharing about some things. I needed to organize the little time that I have and writing down my ideas would have been a great way to do this, I just choose one everyday and write to my hearts content. Well a great idea until the same problem I had been dealing with for the past few months came and got in my way, AGAIN! A problem I cant seem to avoid, no matter how hard I try.

As I told you in my Forget... what was I going to say now? post, for months now I seem to lose every single thing, whether it be keys, phone and and even my purse. Most people forget things and are fine with it. What bothers me is that I don't only lose my valuables, I actually don't have any recollection of how and where I lose them. I lost my purse with my ATM card in, in August and have spent countless hours trying to trace my steps on that day, to no avail. I know that my stress levels have seriously increased over the past two weeks, since I have to run a house, a family, a marriage, a full time job, a blog, Photography...etc etc etc...and you know life loves to throw a spanner in the works when we are running ragged already, but can I really only blame the stress now, or am I just overworking myself?

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
To think, I love this movie!

The past few days has been the Pitt's, and unfortunately I am considering going to see a specialist because of it... or maybe just take a spar day, who has the money for a specialist anyway.

I have a very good friend that I chat to almost daily. For weeks now we have been discussing her birthday party as I was supposed to help her with invites. We had not spoken the whole of last week and I actually completely forgot that Saturday was the day - sorry C! On Saturday morning, I lay in bed and all of a sudden it jumped out at me... It was her birthday, and she was having a white party!!! I called her to wish her, and felt better that I had not completely forgotten. Now all I had to do was go buy something white to wear, as you know, fat people cant wear white, so I did not own anything in it.
Things seemed to be going on track until we had to deal the the lazy and stupid South African taxi's (story for another day) and had to get done fast because we got home sooo late. I had no directions to the party and had a vague idea where the party venue was. So we drove around for about 45 minutes trying to find the place and then I remembered - My phone has a map! We ended up arriving at the party, a WHOLE hour late and I felt like a dweeb!!!

So Saturday was a good day, I mean I knew it was Saturday and although last minute, remembered my friends birthday...so all in all, good, right?

This morning on my way to work I tweeted about it being a Wednesday, soo close to Friday. All comfy about my day, sitting and relaxing outside our work building, it hit me, I was supposed to go with Habitat for Humanity to build a house for the less fortunate this morning and it was already 10am! I freaked and tried calling my colleague to apologise. Naturally her phone was off, of course, they were busy. I come sit at my desk and the very same colleague I had called earlier comes to talk to me. My first question was " why are you not the the Build Blitz?" She responds "That's on Wednesday", I stare at her curiously and utter "but today is Wednesday?" she looks at me with a peculiar expression and says, "No today is Tuesday."

So now I am forgetting WHOLE DARN DAYS!!

The strange thing is that I mentioned it to a few people and not one of them bothered to correct me. Well it still feels like Wednesday to me, so much so that I nearly posted a Wordless/ Wordfull Wednesday post today.

Is there hope for this brain of mine yet.... what am I going to forget next?

I am slightly weirded out by this mornings events though, so have decided to try and forget to forget. . .ha

Upgrade Ya!!

2010-11-08T13:17:00.000+02:00

I am soooo totally exited.!! At this very moment I am sitting at my home office blogging from my own i7 laptop!!! YAY me!!

Okay, for those who don't know, I blog from my work PC and I cant do half of the things I want to on there. I have wanted to share some of the pictures I have been taking but never could while at work. So today is the day, I am soooo glad I get to share some of my not so fabulous pictures. Now do take note that I am still an amateur to the full, and I cant edit to save my life, but I love photography and I thank God that I have found something that I love to do, other than my job of course...lol

So here goes - be gentle on me :)

Well, that was supposed to be Friday's oh so exiting post, and then guess what, Photoshop messed me up and the Internet was eating money like you wont believe!!

But Alas, the genius in me figured it out, and at last I am soo proud to share some of the "real shoot" pictures I have taken!!

Don't be Scared, what do you think?

Whichwolf are you?

2010-11-08T11:54:00.001+02:00

Weigh In Monday Revision Week 3

2010-11-08T11:39:00.000+02:00

So the first week of success has come, stayed a little while, and then ran out the door!!!
I don't often tell people this, but I am a very emotional person and when life is hard, food just tastes soo much better. And yes, life was hard this past week, so hard in fact that I just had to enjoy some red cake, lemon meringue and some tasty chips (french fries). They were just simply calling out my name and moderation took a hike. Now, two Kilo's heavier again, only takes me as far back as, well, what I was two weeks ago. Not bad, I mean I could have really over done it and who knows how far back that would have set me.

Yesterday I was sitting and thinking about all the people I know, who have lost weight because of stress. Why could I not be one of those people. I mean, you see them and automatically assume it was the stress that caused them to lose the weight. For over-emotional-over-eaters like myself, we must be living the good life all the time because when in the very same situation, we blow up like balloons. So I have decided to use my emotions as a motivator to get thin, no I will not be starving myself ( I would die from taste deprivation ), but instead of eating when I am upset, I will try and put in some exercise.

Oh, in case you were wondering, I was too chicken to do the Tae Bo. I just looked at the DVD and remembered the pain that comes along with it. And for a better excuse (mmm mmm), I have just not found the time. Is it not nice being human, I get to make these unhealthy choices and justify them too. But that's just it, I am human, not a Victoria Secret model from skinny-boobfull-sassy-Pluto. Lets hope they make surgery for instant weight loss, I would live on lemon meringue pie...lol

They Call me Detective

2010-11-04T09:47:00.000+02:00

Sitting in the car, wind blowing through my hair as I hit the bend at high speed. I pull out my pistol, climb out of the window of the car and drive using my feet. I aim for the back tire of the car I am chasing and shoot! The killers car comes to a halt and I jump back into my car and stop it, leaving skid marks behind. As the dust blows in the wind, I walk out in slow motion with the killer cuffed, in victory that I have solved the case.

This is a scene from my childhood dream. I remember always wanting to be a detective as a kid, yes I did want to be Michael Jackson's wife too, but I would then be his strong and fearless, gun toting 'Shebe,baby' of a wife. The gun fights and the mystery were what made being a detective so interesting to me. I loved the 'no uniform' code I saw on TV and the "perks" like getting to drive like a maniac and being one of the few people actually allowed to carry a gun.

Okay, so this was more of an obsession than a dream. I owned a few toy guns of my own and used to have high speed car chases with my mini cars. I mean, being a detective was the life! The best part was trying to solve the mystery. I used to come up with elaborate stories of murder and deceit, that only I could solve. It seemed like the ideal job to do.
But as I am sure you all know, these dreams often drift and I did not realize a few years later that my dreams had changed, not because I wanted them to, but because life changed direction.

So I sat on my couch one day, turned on the TV to Mnet and there I was reminded of my child hood dream, but now it was a more vivid dream and so much more sophisticated than what my child like brain had thought up so many years before. Okay, so he was not a woman and he was not even South African, but he was what I wanted to be.
They call him Grissom... Yes the very same Grissom from my much loved CSI. I was glued to the TV, not only because CSI is a great show, but because I relived my dreams in their weekly stories.The mystery, the guns, but now also the forensics, which kept me fascinated with every single episode.

CSI opened up something I had long forgotten about, a dream job I would still love to do. I could just imagine myself hunting down criminals and solving mysteries, I mean, how sexy is a woman with a gun? What a great feeling it must be to know that you have saved so many lives by sacrificing your own to track down these disturbed people.

There is however one thing I would be weary of, as Grissom was putting on strain toward the end of CSI Las Vegas, would I be able to withstand the stresses of dealing with these dark situations? Who Knows? One thing I do know is that I have to go to check out a forensic lab before I die.

This Post was inspired by Mama Kat's Writers Workshop Prompt No 3

If you had made a career out of whatever you wee passionate about when you were ten... what would you be doing?

Halo

2010-11-03T15:55:00.000+02:00

I do realize that I am a bit late here, but I have to do this at work and some times it really turns out to be a pain. Another things is that I still was not able to loud pictures from my Continuation of last weeks Faces Part 1 for the Wordless/Wordfull Wednesday because well, like I said, I do this at work. But a BIG YAY, We have finally got our Modem at home and I will be a whole lot more efficient on here from now on...THANK G!!

Anyway...

On Monday I got to work and when I checked my Facebook Friends Status's, I saw that everybody was talking about some Halo that rounded the sun. It sounded weird and frankly I was in too much of a mood to go and check. Well I was was eventually dragged out of the door by one of my colleagues, and I am glad I went. This is what I saw:

Please bare with the pictures as they were taken from my friends Camera phone. Unfortunately I did not have my DSLR with me, but I am sure you can get the idea. The funny thing about the whole things is that people were starting to think that this was the beginning of the end. Of what you ask... well the WORLD of course!!
I was laughing at every person who now all of a sudden wanted to repent from their sins because this had to be a sure sign that God was on his way. Bu I knew better.. ha ha...

Go here for the scientific explanation from Wikipedia.

I should have had the new photographer in my house to take a pic of it, he has gotten really good at it...lol

Linking up to:

A Beautiful Mess

Parenting By Dummies

Super Mom

Weigh In Monday Revision Week 2

2010-11-01T12:51:00.001+02:00

At long last I have had some success!!! YAY ME!!!

Last week I did the journal for only a few days and started to notice a pattern with what I felt when I was overindulging. I always thought I was eating for comfort, which is partly true, but there was more to it. I opened a pack of my babies Marie biscuits (butter cookies) and after eating the first one did not feel satisfied. I thought about it for a second but did not take the initiative enough to put it away and started munching away until I was almost through the pack. I felt so guilty for doing this and then realized that I needed a distraction. at that time

I was focused on the biscuits and even though I knew I should not be eating them, did not convince myself enough to put them away. The other huge issue is the amount of food I eat at supper and lunch. I have become so accustomed to large amounts of food at one go that anything less seems like too little. I remember standing in the canteen (cafeteria) at work and complaining that their breakfast was too little and someone else saying how filled they would be from it. It all comes down to my mindset, and as I have heard a million times, my relationship with food. So I have now reduced the size of my portions down half way. Its been really hard to have 2 pieces of pizza instead of four but I am doing it so far.

I have not done very much exercise this past week but I managed to do 4 outdoor photo shoots on Saturday, running around on and empty stomach for most of the day. My muscles are very sore so in its own, Saturday was my work out day.

What was my payoff for my semi hard work?

I lost a total of 2Kg's - which I am ecstatic about because I am at least just under 100Kg's at 99Kg's
Its nothing huge but a good start.
Now time to tackle Thai Bo once and for all....OUCH!!

Want to Join my Journey to Deflate or just support my efforts to a healthier life, just send me a comment
or note! :)

Just an Annoying Day

2010-10-29T15:42:00.000+02:00

There are not many things that ~~don't~~ annoy me, I think. I mean I am pretty ~~frustrated~~ forgiving with peoples short comings and try my best not to annoy them. But there are two things on my list of things to change that really get on my absolute last nerve. They bother me so much that I end up meditating on them for months after, which I can admit is not healthy at all, but what am I to do.

Starting with the least most annoying of the two:

Disappointment - OR in my understanding - not keeping your word.

Okay, I have to admit that I have a habit of setting very high standards for the people around me so I probably set myself up in this position every time it happens, but it does not make it any less annoying.

The on thing everybody ~~should~~ knows about me is that I do not appreciate being let down. I hate it when people do not follow through when they said they would do something. I mean here you offer up this information and the ~~easy going~~ nice person I am, I schedule my whole life around that information. And then a few hours later you come back to me with a complete and utterly different story, task or what ever it was. Now to you, the change might seem insignificant, but to me, it involves rewriting all my plans which is incredibly frustrating. I am a perfectionist (in selective areas) and would like to keep things the way there were the first time. Hubby knows this all too well and I think he keeps changing up things just to get under my skin. Thank God I am such a ~~frustrated~~ forgiving person, or else he would not have survived my ~~wrath~~ irritation.

The other thing that really gets me boiling is something I think bothers a lot of people. But for me it has an annoyance I cannot describe. I remember every single occasion this has happened to me and it still gets my blood boiling.

Stealing - OR in my understanding - People who don't want to get a job and buy there own crap!!

I have been robbed a number of times in the past. My tight was stolen by (I think) our domestic worker when I started my first job. Unfortunately there was no evidence to prove it. Then my bag got stolen at a mall. My phone swiped in church twice, the first time by hubbies not ex best friend. Being robbed at gun point of my phone and my moms necklace on the way home from a Friend and now most recently, my Love Dare Book being swiped in church including the first Photo hubby and I ever took inside of it.

I hate stealing, but most of all I despise thieves. I cannot seem to fathom why a person would intentionally steal someone else's possessions. We work hard for the things that we have and for someone to take all we have earned within a a few minutes, really creeps up my spine. When I was younger, I caught myself cursing the thieves for the things they would take. It seemed like they were trying to hurt me, and I hated then for it. Over the years I have learned to pray for them instead, but it does not hurt any less and I struggle with forgiving these people.

If you don't believe me, try this on for size. When I was 4 years old, my best friend A lived across the road from our house. I used to be there all the time and had no idea that they were planning to move. I remember the last day I say him. I had a bag with me and he put one of his toys in my bag. I did not realize that the toy was in my bag until I got home. When I found it, I felt and still feel incredibly guilty for having 'stollen' his toy. Of course it was not my intention, but I still felt bad and still do. Now here is the question, If I feel so convicted when something small like this happens, what rational do people having for robbing others of their livelihood?

Hopefully in the years to come, I will get over my annoyance of these two things. I do still have a lot of growing up to do you know.

If I could Change Hisory

2010-10-28T16:03:00.000+02:00

When I thought about the topics for Mama Kat this week, none of them really stood out for me accept Prompt number 2. If you could witness (or take part in) any event in history, what would it be? Why? (inspired by Texan Mama from Who Put Me In Charge Of These Kids).

As you can tell, I am South African and man have we dealt with a lot of things in the past. Apartheid being the most prevalent thing in our past and the horrors that came with the hatred of colour, one would easily assume that it would be easy to write about. Unfortunately I don't have much personal experience with this time myself and only identify with being called names for being coloured when my parents put me in a school in a predominantly Afrikaans white suburb. It did not hurt as much to me because I did not understand the struggle, I was not there. When I hear the stories of Steven Biko, it is so strange that all that happened to him happened in this country and at the hands of people who are the very same colour of my close friends.

This time is no more to us and I went to schools where the colour lines were blurred and strive to teach my kids the equality between people. So this is not what I will write about.

When I went to Public school in grade 8, it was very foreign to me. If you have read my previous post on my Childhood label, you will know that I never attended Mainstream or even public school until my first high school year. I felt strange and awkward because there forty students in a class and I did not relate to the environment and the teachers at all. Then I met Mr C. He was assigned to be our English teacher that year. I thought he was a strange man, he had a reddish tone to his skin and an accent I had never heard before. It turned out that he was from Israel and was a pretty good teacher. He taught me something that will live with me for the rest of my life. It was not English, but something in history my mind never knew existed and the more he told the more I was drawn into the events of that time.

Hiroshima is a City in Japan that was millions of Kilometres away from where I was raised but it is a place I long to see one day. Mr C told us about the Atomic bombs that devastated the city on August 6, 1945 during World War II. The horrors that he described, people's flesh being burnt from their bones and dying in agony, really hit my core. I used to sit and think about how much these people suffered when the bomb hit the ground. The innocent children that lost their lives that day are what bother me most. Did they have to die so brutally, did they have to die at all.

The way I would if I could change the horrific day from even coming to pass would be simple. It is said that Japan was a few days from surrendering to the US and if only those few days were allowed, hundreds and even thousands of people would have been saved. I still sit and wonder how people find it in themselves to murder others, much less thousands of people. In my mind, people were born with good in their hearts, were they not, so what happened between birth and murdering someone. When Harry S Truman made the decision to drop the bombs, what his thought pattern at the time? He could not possibly have deemed all those innocent lives as a threat, could he? Was that the legacy he wanted to leave behind. I certainly wish I could have been his wife that day, to talk him into thinking more clearly because I think one life should be saved at all cost, and humanity is more important than possession.

This Post was inspired by Mama Kat's Writers Workshop

2010-10-27T14:48:00.001+02:00

Do You want to join me in doing the Love Dare? See my Daily update and you can tell all about how the Love Dare is working for you!!!

Love Dare

Wordless/Wordfull Wendesday: Faces Part 1

2010-10-27T13:29:00.002+02:00

I was looking at my kids the other day and realized how much they have changed in the short time that I know them. A is only 9 months old but has grown and changed amazingly. So for my first Wordless / Wordfull Wednesday post I will be Showing our changing faces over the next few weeks.

A's Changing faces

At birth

3 Days Old

2 weeks old

1 Month Old

2 and a half months old

4 and a half months old

5 and a half months old

8 and a half months old

9 Months Old

Linking up to:
A Beautiful Mess
Parenting By Dummies
Super Mom

Colored...

2010-10-26T15:50:00.000+02:00

....That's what I am. A colored girl, not from the Cape flats but from a coloured suburb in Johannesburg.

I know this might sound like a derogatory term to some, but here in South Africa, we are a race of people with our own culture. A culture that we have developed over time and are now passing on to our children.
Let me explain.

We have many races in our country. There were black people on our land and then the white settlers came to live here too (like L would tell). Even though the white people were so against the blacks, they did, however, have children with them. Because these children were neither white nor black, we were classified colored.

Here's the catch. We have many types of coloreds in our country. First generation coloreds are not the same as say... forth generation coloreds. They grow up in either the black or white cultures but don't fall under the classification a colored person from colored parents would.

I grew up in a colored suburb, where mostly colored people live and where we have our own dialect and mannerisms. We are known for being loud, drunkards and foul mouthed. Our real name would be 'Kullid' and we really are one of a kind. I love the way Trevor Noah says it "South Africa is the only country that manufactures coloreds". He himself being a coloured, first generation, unfortunately.

So here's the thing, I get asked a lot about which of the eleven South African languages I speak at home, but being colored, there is only one language we learn from birth ( other than English of course ). We don't speak Zulu, unless you are from KwaZulu Natal, and we most definitely don't speak Sotho. We speak the white mans language. But we do it in a way that no white man really does. We speak Afrikaans (ufrrrikaans - roll your tongue).

Afrikaans derives from Dutch but has taken its own form when it hit our sores. This language separates us from the rest of the South Africans in our country. It is raw and to the point and you never want anyone to curse you in it, because whether you understand it or not, you will know what was meant. You are not a 'real' coloured if you are not familiar with the language and you will stand out like a sore thumb and a 'braai' (barbecue).

The other thing that sets apart from everyone else is our hair. We could have anything from 'glad'(smooth and silky) to 'kroos' (nappy) hair. The aim for most girls is to have glad hair which is why we make a date with a box of hair relaxer every single month. I mean, kroos hair is way too much work you know.

So here are a few lessons, if maybe you happen to come around one day:

Aweh my broe - aawhere may brew - How are you my brother
Hoe lyk hulle - who lake huulla - How is it going
Jy sal jou jam gelyk dit - yay saal you jam gggu (roll G on back of throat) like duut - don't you wish
And finally -
Jou Ma se ...... - Yo maa sit ( without the T ) - Your mothers....fill in the blank

I hope that gives some people a little more understanding on what it is like to be a coloured. We are just people, crazy, and sometimes we really don't make sense, but I love being 'Kullid'...its who I am!

Weigh In Monday Revision

2010-10-25T15:40:00.002+02:00

As I said, I would be starting of the Weigh Monday with some really motivation this time. So I weighed myself this morning and really got hit with some motivation on the damn head. I weigh more today than I ever have and am two times ( weight ) bigger than my little sister who has a son and is a mere three years younger than I am. I had to take 2 when I was on the scale now just want to bow my head in horror and shame. All this not because I am just fat, there are many fat people in the world, but because I let myself go, I have let myself go so far that I am almost off the freaking ledge!!!!

So here I sit, feeling hurt and disappointed that I put myself in the ~~wobbly~~ situation. So now it really is time to take some actions. So here are the numbers:

Weight: 101 Kg's
Height: 1.71 Metres

BMI: 34.2
Body Description: Obese
And to top it of I weigh more than 91% of the World!!!

I have gotten a food journal and will be writing down every single thing I eat as to try and stop what I am doing to myself.
This first week's task will be to lay off the seconds. I have a really issue with having a second helping and have to deal with it. I love food soo much that less than what I eat is like an insult.

This is a new beginning and a start to a new me.... I am terrified.... goodbye sweet choc muffin...

The Bloggershpere, what a place.

2010-10-25T14:50:00.000+02:00

I have always heard people talking about blogging and having blogs, but I never really bothered to find out what it was all about until a lady on a board that I am a member of asked me if I blog. I had no idea that regular people could be bloggers and one could blog about anything and mostly everything one desires. I then did some research and read a couple of these regular people blogs. It seemed like fun and interesting to do. So I started, with the intention to just write anything I would like when I would like. Unfortunately I became aware of the concept of 'followers' and that became my primary focus ~~with no success~~ for a short while.

Most people who have been blogging for years always started blogging for different reasons compared to why they do it today. This past week I realized that my blog has also changed slight direction. When I wrote about June Freaking Cleaver last week, I just wrote what I felt about her and her situation and never did I think that there were so many people who appreciate other people being appreciated. I got very nice comments from people who obviously have the same sentiments as I do and I highly appreciate that they were so kind with their words.

I love to look at what I can change about my life to make someone else's life better and I certainly hope that people do the same things for others. Who knew that the bloggesphere was filled with so many wonderful and kind people. Now I am glad I have joined the community because there is no greater place to be than in the company of people who really only have good intentions :)

Strength of a Mother

2010-10-22T13:10:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I posted on My Childhood Label for Mama Kat's Writers Workshop and never really got a chance to catch up on the other posters that day. So today I took time aside to read the other blog posts taking part and came across one that really got to my heart. It made me realise that my life is freaken fantastic compared to other people.

Let me start by saying that I like to reflect on myself on a regular basis especially when it comes to hubby and the kids. But I have a habit of being incredibly negative if the time allows. I mean, that's just what I am like. Negativity stands out to me more than anything and it has become a part of my nature to point it out. My mom and sister remind me how often I complain everyday, about my health, my job and generally my life. To me it was just what I do. But every so often you come across those people who have survived odds that you cant imagine that put things back into perspective.

After reading June Freaking Cleaver from The Ratio of Failures blog post about what she deals with everyday, I just had to smack myself in the face. I actually sat and cried about her situation because all of it sounds so overwhelming and endless. I then realized that I don't really have anything wrong with my life, I just tend to make things seem worse than they really are. I mean I have a loving husband, great kids, a job and I can afford luxuries like Black Berries and holidays. I don't have to get up every morning and worry that my children might not be alive when I go into their rooms.

No that is one thing that I fear above everything on this planet. I love my kids so much and would be completely gone if I had to lose either of them. This worries me so much that I check if they are breathing if they sleep too still. I sit and think about what my life would be without them, and cry at the thought. I am afraid of a lot of things, but God knows I would not survive losing a child.
Then there are mothers who are just grateful that their kids made it through another day, alive. I sit and wonder what those women go through everyday. Do they revel in the unknown or do they try to enjoy what they can of their kids. The moms I have come across in these kinds of situation seem to have a supernatural strength to not only keep moving forward, but to make the lives of their kids worth while.
I know for one, I would not have that kind of strength. I don't have the heart to deal with having to make sure everything and everywhere is safe enough for my kids. I solute the mothers who can manage to do this and make sure they are happy themselves too. It must take a dedication like no other to be able to pull through having an unwell child always and having a life as well.

So I dedicate this post to June Freaking Cleaver, you have a strength that we don't see too often these days and because of you, I want to appreciate my life and the things in it more. I hope I could be a strong mama like you one day.

Check out her blog:

The Ratio of Failures

My Childhood Label

2010-10-21T12:54:00.002+02:00

When I was young, I never really payed much attention to what was going on around me. I loved to climb things and have fun in everything that I did. I always woke up in the morning expecting to have a busy and adventurous day. That was just me, until I turned 7. This was my second year in school and I never really thought there was anything wrong with me or the things that I did. I did get a few more lashes and scoldings than any of the other kids in school and my dad was prone to discipline me before my sister. But I was a child, you would expect a child to be naughty right?

I remember going to school with my mom one day to sit down and have a meeting with my teacher. My mom and teacher had a lengthy conversation, I still don't know about what exactly but I do know that it changed my life forever.

A week later, my mom and dad were home with me and I was taken to a specialist for some tests. I honestly had no idea what was going on at the time so just took it all in. Later in the day I was lead into a room with big machines and the nurse put this rubber thing on my head. I remember to this day how it felt on my head, and still get the sensation when I am feeling overwhelmed. I was scared as you can imagine, and still nobody had told me what we were doing at this place.

About two weeks later my mom told me that I would be going to a new school in another suburb. I was exited about the move and never really thought anything about it until my first day there. I was taken into the school office to see the Psychologist who asked me many questions and played games with me. Nothing seemed out of place until she gave me a pill to swallow. She said it would help me concentrate in class and I needed to take one every day.

It was only a few months later that I actually found out that I was diagnosed with ADD ( attention deficit disorder ) but I still had no idea what it meant. My mom used to always tell me I was too busy and had too much energy but I had no idea that the two played a roll in my ADD. Things really started to make sense in the year before I was supposed to go to high school. Our aim that year was to do well enough so that the school psychologist could recommend that we attend a 'Main stream' school. Did this mean that we were not normal? The school that we attended was not for normal pupils? What was wrong with us, with me?

This really hit me hard as only then did I understand the reasons for taking my daily Ritalin and why we had to see the psychologist once a week. I was broken and because nobody had explained all this to me, the pieces I put together made me feel like an outcast. I thought I was doing well in school and I was proud of everything I had done up until then. All of a sudden those achievements seemed like nothing because to me, when compared to a 'maistream school student', were not good at all.

Unfortunately nobody really explained what ADD meant until I had to read up on it myself years later and it was what lead me to try and express myself in other areas. I failed horribly in school but was too proud to ask for help because I was afraid to show anyone that I was 'broken'. So I struggled through school, struggled to concentrate on studying and home work. I rather found pleasure in talking to people or being the one people could come and talk to. I pretended to study and pretended to have things under control. It did not help that my parents allowed me to leave things unfinished so the minute I could not focus on one thing anymore, I was on to the next.

ADD was and still is my label. I hate it but have learned to love it. It is part of who I am and had brought me to a point in my life where I realize that I can change so many things about myself, except that. I have pushed myself to be disciplined in some area's, but studying still remains an issue. I am a self taught Photographer and am trying to learn new things every single day. I have given birth to my baby in the way I set out, thanks to my ADD. There are so many things I have done and mostly at once all because I have ADD. I am called a scatter brain and that I don't know how to slow down, but that's just it, I don't know how to slow down. I have to be researching 3 things at once and man do I love it.

So do I regret having ADD, no, what I do regret is that there are people who always tried to make feel like less of a person because I had it.

My greatest lesson in my experience is to always tell my kids what is going on with and around them. They need to know that they are precious and that nothing they do or have should taint them.

I am still working on the stain in my head that ADD has mad me 'broken', because it has not and it will not.

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop Prompt no. 1

South African Education

2010-10-20T15:22:00.000+02:00

For months now our country has been riddled by different strikes. Many of them were held just before the Soccer World Cup, threatening to disrupt games in a ploy to get salary increases from the government. None of the threats actually became reality but the country has been seriously hurt by the strikes held this year. One in strike in particular that stands out here is the Teachers Unions who have disrupted classrooms and left schools without education for weeks on end.

One would think that our teachers would be the first to be taken care of since they groom the leaders of this country. But with forty pupils in a classroom and many failing to graduate their matric year because of short staffed schools, it is clear that government is not doing nearly enough to deal with the problems facing our kids today.

Matric final exams are due to start in the next week and there have been many debates about whether students are prepared enough as they were without vital education for over a month. With a system that is already moving in a backward direction, a month with no schooling could devastate the end year matric results.

So what do I care about the schools anyway, my kids are still too young to even consider school, right. Wrong! I have been scouting schools since I was pregnant with L. I am determined to make sure that my kids get the best education and learn about stability at the same time. I have considered Private Schooling, but am not sure if I could realistically afford it. Model C schools and the Public schools in the Northern Suburbs of Johannesburg are also incredibly good too, these I could afford All I need is a school that caters to my kids from Grade 00 Until their Matric years. The other Option I have here is Home Schooling. This is not an ideal option for me as I need to be on my own on a regular basis (not selfishly but creatively ;)) and I truly and honestly don't know if I have the patience for it. I do think it is the best choice if Hubby allows me to have anymore kids. I could save loads of money and spend my time with my kids.

Pictre from www.mydreamcourse.co.za/.../

So with all the information on the table I thought I had made a choice. I want to send the kids to my previous school. I went to a Private Christian school that cost as much as a Model C school. The School offers everything I am looking for and to top it off, I have been there to test it out myself. So there, the choice was made, until I walked past the table in the coffee area at work this morning. There lay the Star Newspaper with this Printed on the front page - "principal Held For Sexual Abuse". I paused for a second and then read the article. I was horrified that the principle of the School in the Northern Suburbs was arrested for 'alledgedly' sexually harassing ( abusing ) 5 students.

Now we have all head of things like this happening to kids all over the world, I mean there are Priests implicated in these kinds of cases. But I would think it was not happening in schools. Now here is my dilemma: I want to put my kids in a fairly small Christian school. I know the teachers and what the education is like, but do I really know what is going on there. When I used to attend school there, I remember that we were not watched at all times and did "not so Christian like" things after school. I trust my kids though, but can I trust their teachers or the people responsible for them at school.

After reading the article, Home Schooling seemed like the number one choice here. I mean I know what my kids are doing most of the time and I know for certain that nobody is making them do something inappropriate. So what do I do? Do I trust that my kids will be safe with people I really know nothing about or do I keep them under my thumb?

Another option is allowing the control freak in me to do background checks on all the teachers and making sure I have hidden Camera's in my kids bags, just to make sure Nobody screws with them...mmmmm....this could actually be the best option...lol

What do you think?

Motherhood

2010-10-19T15:21:00.000+02:00

Never in my lifetime did I ever think I would love being called a Mother. I adore my kids and the things they do. I sit at night and stare at them, in shock that these two amazing creatures came out of my body.

I knew I wanted to be a mother from a young age. Although a tom boy to the core, there was no doubt in my mind that I would be the best mother I could be, even better than anything else in my life.

Unfortunately, I did not think twice about pregnancy and birth or even how I would raise a child that cried all day. Being a mother would have been bliss, I thought. I remember being 15 years old and getting into a huge fight with my father, feeling unloved and lonely, praying to God to give me a child to love. What 15 year old on earth ever prays for a kid? A crying and poopy baby. I did, and I "knew" I would be happy if I just had a baby. Never did it occur to me that motherhood had nothing to do with what I felt, but with everything this child was going to become, because 'I' was their mother.

When I had L, the opposite of what I thought would happen, happened, and I was miserable. I had a C Section that at the time, I thought was necessary. Things were ok for the first week as I had a lot of help. But when people stopped coming to see the new boy in the family and hubby and mom went back to work, it was just me and my clolicy, clingy and demanding baby. I was home all day with him, by myself. No adult company at all and still had a house to take care of. I was so frustrated that I just wanted to cry all day. When someone ~~anyone~~ came home I just dumped L into their arms so I could get some relief. It was very hard on me. Nothing I expected at all. I mean people don't tell you that you don't always get a happy and really content baby. Add colic to the mix, and you become a "runaway mom". Then again, I guess I should not have been surprised. I was a horribly colic baby and my mom did not sleep for up to 6 months. At one stage the doctor told my dad "If you don't step up and help, your wife will have a nervous breakdown". My mom cant stop reminding me about this and I think I should have paid more attention before ~~surprisingly~~ falling pregnant with L.

The funny thing about all this is that no matter how frustrated and angry I was at the way L was, the minute he was not well or hurt, it would kill me. I remember one morning, waking up to feed L and him throwing up all of his breakfast on me. I let it go, thinking it was a once off, but then all hell broke lose. He kept throwing up and was making runny poo's which made me have to change his clothes at least 5 times. He also had a low grade fever and I was just besides myself. My mom called and I cried and cried on the phone. This time not because I was overwhelmed from all that was happening, but because I though my baby was dying and did not know how to help him feel better, and man did I feel guilty for not knowing.

Now here is the catch, no matter how I just wanted to be away from this baby, I loved him. Him getting sick is what put things into perspective for me. Even as a naive 20 year old mother, I had the instinct, the one every mother is ~~thrown~~ gifted with at conception.

So then I prepared for my next baby. Armed with information from Conception to childhood with little A and I knew it would be better this time because ~~thought~~ I knew more. Well the birth went ~~almost~~ according to plan but this time I was given a little girl, one with a really happy demeanor and who just loves to smile. She hardly ever cries, and never ever gets sick. She is the total opposite of L. She has never had a fussy day and makes my life pretty easy for the most part.

But then that day comes, the one where she is not feeling very well and I don't know what is wrong because she has never been ill before. I am instantly taken back to that day L got sick, but this time its worse. This is a physical injury from her being so active, she had to jump off the bed twice in one morning, and I sit here at work in agony about my baby. I am in the same place again. Different baby same feeling of hopelessness. In my defence, I did not know she was not well until I called the nanny from work. But this does not make me feel less guilty. I am her mother and my 'sixth' sense should tell me that something is wrong, right?

Is this when I realise that I love A too. No, I knew I loved her before I knew her. So what is it?

Then it hit me like lightning bolt.... this is what being a mother "feels" like. Being a mother to someone could be classified in a million ways, but I think it is what we feel like when something that we cant control happens. My description of it is that my heart is 'sore' because of the mental pain in my chest. My motherly instincts are tested in times like these and no matter how bad my day has been, all that matters is the well being of my baby at the end of the day.

So now I sit here, hoping and praying that time flies by so I can hold my baby and make all the 'einas' ( a - naa's ) go away. I just wish hubbies heart would feel like mine about this, maybe he will stop calling me about buying a new car...lol

My Precious

Join the following

2010-10-15T16:02:00.000+02:00

I am dong the Love Dare this month. It has been hard so far and I have already have had to restart.
If you want to join, just drop me a comment so that I can know you are.
I am looking for guest bloggers who are willing to tell of their love dare experiences, so here is you opportunity, lets make our marriages stronger by just committing forty days.

Looking forward to hear from you :)

Love Dare to your right ===============================================>>>

I have a passion.

2010-10-15T15:55:00.000+02:00

Ever since I was a young child, I have always considered what I wanted my future to look like. I started singing at the age of three and always thought I was going to be a famous singer. I mean I was going to marry Michael Jackson after all. As I got older I realized that being a singer was not all it seemed to be and then I had my sights set on becoming a Police Officer. I just loved playing with my toy guns, and making my little car's drive after the robbers in a high speed chase. The life just seemed so exiting and I was mesmerised at the adventure it could be.

But life took a turn and I found passion in other areas. I still love to sing and miss it tremendously, but going to choir practice with a 4 year old and a 8 month old all by my myself just did not seem like any fun. With the experiences I have had, there were a few things that I was really good at ( still am ) and that gave me a new sense of purpose in life.

I LOOOOOVE to talk. I talk so much that hubby has learned to shut off and just nod. I talk the most when I am tired, because for some reason the words flow easier and I seem to remember everything I wanted to tell through out the day. Hubby cant stand this about me but as I said, nods when he needs to.
I also found that I love people and helping them with advice or anything they needed when they needed it. For some reason, my advice never worked in my life, but it helped others and that meant a lot to me. This got me thinking one day. What could I do with the rest of my life that incorporates both of these without having anyone to tell me to just *shut up*? I know....Psychology :)

OK, I don't want to be your average shrink who only asks questions. I want to really help people with emotional issues and feel good that someone is doing better because I helped. But the passion does not just lie in any person with a problem, but particularly in young adults. At the age where every wrong choice is justifiable and as doctor Phil would say " those who have not developed enough to understand the consequences of their actions". I feel for our teens these days, they get blamed for everything and anything but nobody ever really looks at their situations. Many of them lack the information to get themselves into better situations and particularly where I live, you are cool if you know how to light a joint.

I just wish our parents were interested in searching for information on how to better raise their kids. I get so frustrated with parents who use the excuse " I am doing the best with what I know ". My simple response is "NO YOU ARE NOT". We live in an age where information is at the fingertips. It is so easy to search for games or facebook or porn on your phone, so why could you not look for tips on helping the kids succeed. There a libraries everywhere that offer the information parents need, and if that does not work, the Bible also offers parenting advice.

So before I get too emotional, lol, I want to really start some workshops for young adults to guide them in the right directions. Workshops not only for the kids, but for parents to come and learn as well. I want every parent to have available resources in their homes, have relationships with their kids and learn how to encourage them to be good citizens. Is that not what a good parent does?

I cant wait to finally have my Psychology Masters Degree ( if my kids allow me ) and get stuck into developing these programmes. That little running man inside me jumps every time I think about every family brought together and hopefully my dream is not very far off :)

I still have a few years to go before I stand on that stage, so for now I will enjoy my other passions - being a mom - a wife - a South African and recently Photography.

Got this email today :) For Breast Cancer

2010-10-15T14:55:00.001+02:00

Fred Hammond Take My Hand - Video Only

2010-10-13T06:51:00.000+02:00

NO mom its nothing

2010-10-12T10:10:00.001+02:00

I started this blog to write about all the events in my life and everything that effects me, this includes my family. There are a million reasons why I would not want my mom to read anything I have written here.

First of all, she hates that fact that I like to talk about my life. As far as my mom is concerned, your life is yours, and yours alone. When I told my birth story on television two weeks ago, she could just have died. If my mom had to read what I wrote about things like poop, I know she would probably not talk to me for a year. She cant even talk about having a wind for Pete sake, I could count the amount of times I saw her go the bathroom ever!!

My mom, bless her heart, is a very conservative lady. She grew up that way so I cant blame her for her misjudgements. So there are things like the ones I am writing about her here, that she would flip out over completely.

She was always aware of the issues in our house, but she did not dare utter them and if anybody brought them up, she would be far less than pleased. "Those things are not for discussion" she would say.
I am not even allowed to disclose her age because 'ladies don't talk about their age'. Well I suppose that is a good thing for her though because she most definitely does not look like her age.

So here's the deal, my dear old mom knows about the blog (sort of) but really has no idea what I write about and actually cant understand why I would want a blog, facbook account or twitter page at all.

So lets home she does not read this :)

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop Prompt no. 3.

Why I’m not inviting my mother to read my blog…

(inspired by Just Mom from All The Other Kids Are Doing It)

Preacious Boobs

2010-10-12T08:53:00.000+02:00

Being a flat chested Tom Boy was one of the best times I had ever had. I could climb anything I wanted and could jump as high as I wanted with no pain involved. I went through puberty at a very young age, not that 11 is young for puberty these days. But it was the most uncomfortable and unpleasant stage for me. Not to mention the humiliation from the boys at school who just loved tugging on my practice bra. I hated watching these things grow and the pain that came with them. Why could I not just be like my guy friends and go topless on a hot day anymore? It took huge adjustments for me and all of a sudden I had to act like this lady I did not feel like inside.

Fast forward a few years when I had L. I now sort of understood why I had to grow these. I tried breast feeding for 3 months and things were just not working out. I mean I had a screaming baby to deal with for most of the day and having sore and leaky boobs just seemed like it was adding to all I had to deal with.

So to get to my point, I have never actually thought about my boobs until I went to the Breast Cancer Awareness Seminar my mom had at their church last year. My sisters future mother in law - J - is a representative of the Cancer Association on South Africa and gave us a presentation. My sister and I were both not prepared for what J would tell us. The reason why she loved working with Cancer patients is because she has actually had Cancer too. Not just any Cancer, Breast Cancer. When we chatted after, she explained to us that she had the breast removed ( I think) and now is a diabetic. I was astonished at the fact that we had no idea. She had always been adamant about my sister going to get checked, but never really told us why. Such a lovely woman, and she had to deal with a disease like that.

Look I am no stranger to Cancer. One of my most loved uncles ( I have ten), Teddy, was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1996. I remeber the day so clearly. He was sitting at my Grandad's Kitchen table, holding his head from the pain. He ended up going in for treatment but there was nothing they could really do. He eventually came and lived with us and stayed in the room the my sister now stays in. He got bed sores, spat in a brown bag.,got really thin and my dad had to take him to the bathroom and give him a bath. I sat and wathced him dissappear. My sister and I went and spoke to him when we could but the smell of death just got stronger and we enterd the room less. He eventually gave in to the pain and surccummed to the cancer in 1997, and we all still miss him greatly.

This story has repeated itself another two times in my life with both my Granddad's passing from prostate cancer. But I never really thought I could be touched by it because we have not had one female in our family get cancer, much less breast cancer.

But now I have A, my exclusivelly breast fed baby. I never knew breast feeding would become such a wonderful experience for me. We have bonded so wonderfully and I love just spending quiet time with her while she feeds. It never occured to me that my breasts would actually be so important in bonding with my baby.

Now I think of J and wonder if she ever thought it would happen to her. She is the only one in her family who has had it and probably just sat like me at one stage and thought she was in the clear. And here I sit, never been checked because my naivete told me I would be fine, just like all the other ladies in our South African black and coloured cultures. We are untouchabe when it comes to these illnesses, right. So why go through the inconvenience of a Memmogramme.

But what if I had got it before I had the opportunity to bond with A? I love my Breast feeding and would have missed out greatly!

So I made the vow to myself to get checked as soon as I stop breast feeding. I dont want to be one of those woman who find out near the end and only have so much more time to spend with family.

So will you get checked?

New Tabs over to the right ===========>

2010-10-11T15:54:00.001+02:00

Just wanted you to check out the two new tabs added to A Some Efica Mommy over to your right=====>

I will be posting pics as soon as I get the chance... Happy Monday all my Blogger luvs out there!!!

Some of my pictures.

2010-10-07T14:52:00.000+02:00

I wanted to share some of the pictures I have taken in the past few weeks:
Unnedited Pictures

And then my Photo Edits:

Please note that these pics are not marked and cannot be used without my permission!

Hopefully I am improving...:)

The Worst Job Ever... To Me

2010-10-07T14:02:00.002+02:00

There are a lot of jobs I think I would try, even if it is just for a an hour. I think I am pretty versatile in this area and would never back out for a challenge. I mean, the experience could be fun and if not, at least a warning to my kids one day.

There is however, just one thing I would die before I ever did. Ok maybe not die, and I could even be paid a Mil to do it... only for like an hour..maybe.
Just the though of it sends shivers down my spine. I mean it is the one thing my sister and me both are not too friendly with and make us very uncomfortable. I am not as vocal about how I feel as she is but I still get creaped out about it.

My dad had us do it when we were little and man was it nasty ( well because there were crossed parts.. it was torcher and something I would rather not have anyone around me do either.
Ok, trying not to hurl at the thought.
So you wonder what that one thing can be. Trust me you are in for a disappointing surprise.

Being a pedicurist is a Job I could never understand or ever do. I am so not a fan of my own feet, so why on earth would I want to touch another persons smelly, waxy and uuugly toes?

Ok so I know, it sounds ridiculous, but just think about it.

Touching someones feet is like wearing someone else's dirty underwear because you have no idea where it has been. What is worse is that feet smell really bad, I mean do you really want you hands to smell like poop...ugh!

Pedicurists and Podiatrist really have to love what they do to do it. That makes me wonder, when 'Johny' was a young boy, what made him wake up one day and think to himself " I want to work with other peoples feet for the rest of my life ". Was it the smell of his dads feet every night when he removed his shoes?

So let me warn all the feet happy people out there...

Do not dare bring your bare feet within 5 inches of me!

I don't Play footy footy for romance and would rather not like to smell you feet from across the house.

There you have it, I am sorry to all the Spa's that will lose my money for pedi's because I WILL NOT DO OR HAVE ONE DONE OK...

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 1.

What was it about that movie? Describe A movie you once had memorized.

Time Goes By

2010-10-06T14:56:00.000+02:00

I have come across a couple of blogs that have not been touched in years. People shared what was going on in their lives at that particular time and then left the blog for dead. I was so afraid that this might happen to my dear little unknown blog so I promised myself to write everyday.

Well guess what, that did not happen. In the past few weeks I realized how hard it is to do that when I have other responsibilities to take care of as well. Not to mention the days that are going really horrible from start to finish. I really don't want to get on here those days, in fear that I might be incredibly rude or share way to much of what is going on in my life. I really don't think people would be very entertained by those details and I don't thing my family would "smile and wave" about it either.

So what I did was, take a break, try to sort out my life as much as I could and then gain up the courage to come back here again.
So here I am, back and in action. Still fighting my daily battles, but back to just sit and enjoy the things I don't get to think about while out at 'war'.

I have gotten better at a couple of things in these past few weeks though.
My Photography is getting better each day and I will even be shooting my first wedding this week. Man, am I scared but I am keeping my spirits up and hoping that I might pleasantly surprise myself.

I have also learned a lot about men in these few weeks. In all the time that I have been married, I had never realised how differently hubby and I see things. If I say Potato he hears apple. I mean, we are worlds apart here and I don't know why it took me so long to see why our communication was so flat. Well my light bulb has gone on and I am now proud to say that I am making the necessary steps to find out what he means when he says I am being a nag. I mean, how am I possibly being a nag...I just ask you a thousand times to put the dishes in the sink.... that's all :0

So back to the grind for me and hopefully (fingers crossed) I wont stray away too far from this again.

Phew...

2010-09-15T13:05:00.000+02:00

I have been sitting at my desk for the last couple of hours feeling guilty about not updating my blog for the past couple of days. Life is hectic these days, with my nanny going missing (like in the movies), my property not being properly cared for by SOMEBODY I trusted and finally recovering from the flu ~~I am sure came straight from hell~~.

So I get up, and take a casual stroll to the bathroom, well because I needed to go. I walk in simultaneously with a lady that knows me well, get to the toilet and try to be as quiet as possible. But instead in the silence you can hear the "plomp" of ...you guessed it, the poop hitting the water in the loo. I try to groan really loud, as if there is something in my throat, but she knows its me, there is nobody else in there.

That brought me to the question, why was I so embarrassed of having to poop? I actually have a terrible fear of anybody knowing what I am doing in the loo. I know what its purpose is, but I can just imagine what people think when they hear the sounds coming from the small cubicle I sit in, as if they are not doing the same thing.

It is so bad, I have the habit of rolling the entire toilet paper out and putting in the loo before I use it, this way there is no splash or plomp sound coming from 'my' toilet. I really actually feel like anyone who hears me will think less of me because I POOP!

Even though I have this fear, I have no problem cleaning my Tooth Fairies bottom and wiping my Super Man's bottom when he is on the loo. But when it comes to my own Butt, it might as well be plugged because I cannot bare the thought that people know what I do in there.

I wonder what the man who invented the toilet had in mind when he designed it.
"mmm, I am bored today, maybe I should create a..........
toilet!!!"
I mean who really sits around and thinks about a toilet..... oh wait....I just did?!

The strange part is, I don't have an issue with letting go of a wind, well for me that is. If anybody else does it, I could just throw up.
I can just imagine my moms face as she reads this. They were not even allowed to talk about a poep (pronounced: pooop)( meaning: fart), much less going to the bathroom. It was as taboo as Aids used to be back in the 80's. Can you imagine getting put in time out for saying "mommy, I need to poo". You might end up going in your pants either way.

So what is the verdict on poop anyway?
We all have to do it. If only it was as easy to talk about as your next meal, I mean it is after all the remnant of all ones meals anyway.

I'm sorry mom, I know you don't like poop topics much and I swear I got it out of my system now...lol

Find the survival guide for work poop here: Bathroom Jokes

All human beings are also poop beings. Pooping ties all mankind together

Jack Kerouac

What a Memory

2010-09-10T15:58:00.000+02:00

The 8th of September was my 3rd wedding anniversary, and since I am the romantic in our relationship, I am always planning great and wonderful things we end up doing. This year I totally ran out of ideas and really did not think about it since hubby had everything he had ever wanted.
I did eventually decide on a stand up comedy DVD and some sushi.

Hubby on the other hand, is the more practical thinker between the two of us. He would rather buy me something ~~I don't need~~ nice than organise a romantic do, any day. But this year I think we both figured that we do the things WE want for the other. So this year he went where he has never gone before, into my wildest dreams.

I patiently waited for him to come get me at the mall. An hour and a half had passed and my patience and the airtime on my cell phone was running low. When he eventually showed up, I was fed up and ready to go home. The thing is, my curiosity was sparked that afternoon and I really wanted to know why he wanted me to come all the way to the City.

Well, we drove a short while and then ended up at a small shopping center. He said that we were going to a fancy place ( and I was dressed in the colour of poop ).

It turned out that he had made a reservation at one of the most exclusive restaurants in the whole of Johannesburg.

I have always heard them talking about Signature on the radio, and always wondered how wonderful it would have been to spend a romantic evening enjoying a meal there. And here it was happening.

The atmosphere was low key, dim light and there was a grand piano on a small stage in the room. He had painstakingly made sure that everything would be perfect.
We had a table in the corner of the room next to a window with a view of (what would have been) the sunset (if we had gotten their earlier). The food was the kind that I had only ever seen in magazines. I have never actually eaten gourmet before and had no idea that it was actually as perfect in both design and flavour, as it was. We sat and spoke softly to each other and all I could do was tell him how perfect it all was, and if it got any better, I would just cry.

The music that the live band was playing set the mood for love and I think I fell in love all over again with each note that was sang.

The same music carried on through to the bathroom, and they played all the slow jams I knew by heart.

Then just after the waiter left to get the Tirumisu that I ordered, she walked back in with IT and a bunch of white roses. The singer on stage announcing a congratulations to us And everyone in the restaurant gave us smiles of approval. I was in heaven, on cloud nine, like I had never been before. Hubby took the dream from my mind and turned it into a reality.
We were then serenaded with "I just want to say, Happy Anniversary" by the band.

Everything was perfect, I could not have asked for a better 3rd anniversary and still smile every time I think about how perfect Hubby had made that night.
Days like these make me glad to have the man I do, and I thank God for opportunities like this to fall in love with him all over again, no matter our struggles.

Pooty - WHO?

2010-09-09T08:49:00.002+02:00

I have always loved movies. I used to watch action movies with my dad as a kid and particularly loved movies that were wild and crazy. My mom had to stand in front of the television set just to get my attention half the time because I would focus so much that every other ~~unnecessary~~ sound was blocked out.

Unfortunately, I am still like this. But now instead of the odd action movie, I have fallen in love with films that are weird in nature or have a really disturbing twist. I know, it seems strange but that's what I like.

Anyway, I have listed my favourite movies on a few occasions and a few stand out. I loved "Something about Mary" the first time I watched it, and thought nothing could beat it. Then there were films like "Unbreakable" and " The sixth sense" that had twists that had me licking the floor with my jaw. But there were two films, films that were unlike any other ever made. Films that had me captivated from the first scene, the kind you know you will never find again.

Malice: A film that came out when I was only 7 years old, but still is one of the best films I have ever seen. I love a film that leads you to believe one thing, and then changes things up on you. There is nothing like finding out that the perfect husband and wife were actually a farce, and that the life they lived was planned down to the separation. The film is really long, and you have to have the patience to get through the first 45 min or so, but once you get past those few minutes, riveting stuff start to happen. I don't want to give to much away for those who have not seen it, but the twists are what make it such a captivating film to watch and they definitely don't leave me disappointed.

But the point of writing this was not to tell you about Malice at all. I wanted to talk about the film that I not only once had memorized, but I still have in my current memory. ( maybe that's why my memory is so bad ). A film that I went out of my way to buy, no not on DVD, but on VHS.

When I was in High school, we were the last of the people I knew to get DSTV (Digital Satellite Television). All I used to look out for were new music video's on MTV and movies. One day I came across a film created by Chris Rock, and I was drawn in by its strange humor.

"Pootie Tang" is my top most favourite films EVER!!! Its not because of the twists or even the ~~genius~~ hilarity of the film. I love it for the sheer weirdness. I mean where have you ever met a guy who has his own language, that people actually understand (WADATA MY DAMIES) who women cannot get enough of. He is the coolest guy I have EVER seen. The way he pules that belt from his waist to teach the bad guys a lesson, is just beyond heroic. One of the best scenes is when he does a duet with Missy Elliot, Hellooo, he sings with Missy and she melts over him too. The great thing is, he is a guy of integrity and wants to change the lives of the ~~TIPY TIES~~ children for the better. I have never and probably will never find a film that captured me as much as Pootie Tang has. I still don't understand why the video store guy was in such rush to get rid of the video. I mean it is a classic, it was probably the only film we say Wanda Sykes wearing Hot Shorts!! She is a Cold Tony....My Damie.

If you haven't seen it, go get it...YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!! I think....

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 3.

What was it about that movie? Describe A movie you once had memorized.

Do you Remember

2010-09-08T16:16:00.001+02:00

Do you you remember the morning you woke up and new it was THE day.
You got out of bed, looked at yourself in the mirror and realized you would never be the same again.
That day would mean so much for years to come, it would define the rest of your life as it was.
You styled your hair, got dressed and took a last look at yourself in the mirror,
a mirror you knew so well these past years. The person, someone you knew even better, in that mirror.
Tomorrow will be different. You will be changed. You will be a new person.
Now who you grew to become, but what that day will make you.
This Day turns you into a new person, someone you need to embrace and someone you need to
acknowledge in all the things that you do daily. The I, Me and My will fall away and no longer will you see your in that mirror alone again.
You will now become.....

A Spouse, a Lover, a Partner, a Friend and one day a Parent.

These words are dedicated to the love of my life on our 3rd Anniversary.
Sep 8th - I forever became yours*

The beginning of our happily after ever started here

Now share your Story

The Countdown Begins!!!

2010-09-07T15:11:00.001+02:00

It is officially 9 hours from the start of my 3rd anniversary and contrary to my own beliefs, I have not planned a thing!!! *GAHSP*

I feel guilty as hell!!! I want to take him out for sushi, but I dont know if he has something else planned.
What can I do in these short 9 hours?!

I was going to buy him two lovebirds, until I was reminded that they would drive me crazy since I am the only on who gets up with A in the middle of the night.

Then I was going to get him a Black Berry, but he would realize that I had spent the money and known something was up.

So what to do now? Is it tooo late? I am panicking at this point and have never run on "no ideas" ever!!!!

Somebody save me from total humiliation!!!

WAIT, I GOT IT... "Honey, I'm sorry, I forgot"

Would that even Fly?

My life, THE DRAMA!

2010-09-07T10:33:00.000+02:00

I live in South Africa, the rainbow nation; where people are friendly and welcoming; where you can go from city to bush in a short drive and you are treated with the utmost respect if you are foreign.

But I am also aware of the murders, HIV and have a personal experience with being robbed.
I have only been robbed once, one time that shook me. I blame myself for being a stupid 17 year old, walking in dark alleys at night who had the nerve to where my moms most prized possession ( "borrowed" ) and remove my cell from my pocket to check the time. As I looked at my phone, I felt like I was in the movie "Final Destination", I saw someone rob me right there. Seconds later he pounced on me. I have always thought I would start yelling in this situation, but I was surprisingly calm. I thought 'this guy must be joking', until her ripped my moms 9 carat gold necklace off of my neck. He then asked for my cell phone as he tapped the gun on his thigh. I just looked at him, despondent, and leaned back every time he reached for my back pocket where in instinctively replaced my phone. We had a little dance there for a second while my brain was trying to make some sense of the situation.
When he realized I was not giving in, he put the gun against my left temple and said "If you don't give me you phone now, I am going to kill you".

I just stood there in shock while he reached into my back pocket, grabbed the phone and was gone in an instant.

I just stood there for what felt like forever, trying to understand what had just happened. I went home and said a word to nobody until the following day. My mom was mad as hell. Firstly because she did not like my friends who left me to walk home all alone and secondly because I had lost the one thing her deceased brother had given her.

What was strange is that I seemed to have a feeling something was going to happen. A female friend of mine had walked me most of the way home that night and for some reason was carrying three family member's cell phones. Just before I got robbed, I said to her "Annie, turn around here and go home. You have your dad, brother and your cell phones and I don't want you to get robbed. Don't worry about me. I have a golf ball at the end of my umbrella and will hurt someone who tries to rob me"
If I only remembered that a few minutes later...lol

Fast forward to last night:

I was home yesterday because I have a horrible flu. For some reason, A and I had a four hour nap each in the day, something I never do. The day went well and I had some fun playing soccer with L when he came home from Pre-School. The evening was pleasant and hubby and I were just relaxing while A was showing us how well she learned to crawl.
Later in the evening I kept nagging hubby to get done with his work and come to bed. I am still not sure why I wanted him to come so urgently but I eventually resorted to telling to come and work in the bedroom.
Well at 3am, my friend, S, IM'd me to say she was awake and her daughter K was giving her hell. I read the message rolled over and realized hubby was not in the bed anymore. I heard him snoring in L's bedroom and figured that L had woken up again.
Just as I closed my eyes to fall asleep again I heard banging on the front gate.
I started yelling for hubby to check what was making the noise and as he opened the window a woman started yelling, "Open the gate, there is somebody in your yard!".
Hubby and I both jump into action, him opening the front door, me making sure the kids are alright. The neighbor was standing on the wall with a light and the lady at the gate was yelling "They tried to break into your house!".

Within seconds, two cop cars pull up. I am still standing in the bedroom at this point and then hear something in the roof. I immediately let hubby know and like a movie the cops are over the wall, guns in hand and running around the house to check for anybody. Well it seemed the neighbor scared them off. He said he heard someone jump into the yard and immediately checked it out with his huge spot light.

To think I have been fighting with this man for the past few months about the noise he makes in the middle of the night. He is an insomniac and works on cars in the dead of night. If it was not for his spotlight, I don't know what would have happened if these people got in.

Thank God for good people and that my family is safe. I think now it is time to move to a place where there is at least some security because I don't know what I would do if something were to happen.

Pic Courtesy of www.bbc.co.uk/.../crime/theft.shtml

Just a share...

2010-09-07T08:45:00.000+02:00

I usually don't update over the weekend because I am still waiting for my Internet to be set up at home. I cant wait for that day because I think my updates will be a whole lot more interesting. Anyway, Sunday I finally got the flu after the change of season caught up with me. I have not been sick since June 09 and kept bragging about it. It seem Karma wanted to teach me a lesson and slapped me hard in the chest, or was it my Chest, nose and throat...lol. At least I have my voice back, well on and off, and the head cold has subsided some.

So to make up for the past few days, I just wanted to share some pics.

I am not the most domestic wife in the world, I actually hated baking because the last time I attempted it, I burnt the cake mix to the bottom of the pan. Needless to say, the pan had to be thrown out and I promised myself never to try it AGAIN, I mean what if the house burns down next time.
A whole 6 years later and a new oven, I decided to toss my fears and give it a try:

My first ever Apricot Jam and Coconut Tart
Too much sugar added but a really good first

Bran Muffins (from packaged muffin mix...lol)

And a sad looking Chocolate cake.
It was the best Chocolate cake I have ever had...No Jokes!!!

And in my flu riddled state yesterday, I made Fat Cakes (Vetkoek - sp - fet-kook) with curried minced meat ( I added veg too). I could not taste them at all (dumb flu) but hubby and L were very pleased with them... and I am pleased with myself for putting in the effort to learn.

I nearly forgot the liver, sweet potato fritters ( I think that is what it is called) and spinach supper I made, Boiled the spinach with onion and just added a three cheeses packaged sauce.. It was so good L even asked for seconds...lol

Then I just wanted to share some new pics of a now very mobile and naughty mobile A:

Since we have a new helper, this what I come home to at the door.

She loves ice cold lollies since our spring was replaced by summer this year. ( it is closed, she just loves the coldness of it)

And finally, she has been pulling herself up on everything. It seems she will be walking soon even though she only really started crawling with lighting speed on Sunday.

I hope everybody had a great weekend... and a great week ahead..*smiles*

Childhood, I mean Adult Fears

2010-09-03T13:06:00.000+02:00

When I read Mama Kat's Writers Workshop Prompts this week, I considered each one carefully and actually chose the easiest one to write. But as I read the posts from other bloggers, I kept coming across posts of childhood fears, and realized that writing about that would have been easier since I still have those same fears today.

When I was about 5 years old, I was deathly afraid of the dark. There would be shadows moving from the tree outside the window and the wardrobes that stood tall in my room. I used to hide my head under the sheets and will my fears away for that night, only for them to return the following night (WITH A HUGE AXE!)

I used to climb a lot when I was young too. My ultimate favourite things to climb were trees and the roof of our house. My mom did not mind but my grandad would freak out when he found me on the roof. I loved it so much that I would encourage my "girly" cousins to climb the roof, much to my mothers dismay.

Unfortunately I am no longer that free spirited child and only climb as high as my shaky hands will let me. For some reason over the years I have developed a debilitating fear of heights. Not having control over a free fall really terrifies me. I don't stand at the edge of balconies and I definitely don't peak my head out of high windows. I mean, what if a wind suddenly blows, pushing me out of the window and I fall a million feet to my untimely and certain DEATH! The same goes for glass floors and huge glass windows on the 3rd floor of a building.

A few months ago we went on vacation to Durban where there are beach front rides. One of the rides is a cable car that takes you up to see the city and the ocean and back down again. Hubby asked me if I wanted to go on it and I said yes without realizing what he was talking about. I was too busy paying attention to a very exited L. I wish now that I had listened. We sat on the ride and when we started moving I just wanted to die!!! ( getting dizzy while writing this ) I could not get a grip of myself. I closed my eyes and prayed for it all to end!!! To make matters worse, L kept moving the seat which made us dangle in the air. I WAS FREAKING OUT and kept yelling at hubby to hold the baby tighter because she was going to fall to her death at any second!!! The fact that I could not control my environment and the weightlessness was too much to handle; and I think I even started to cry at one stage. Hubby and L found all this very amusing, I must add.

When the ride was finally over, I could not describe the sense of relief I felt when my feet touched the ground.

And he wants us to fly to Cape Town in December...Bleh...No way in hell!

Finally there is one fear that just gives me the creeps. In 7th grade we went on a school camp which was one of the best camps I had ever gone to ( I have gone on a lot). We learnt so much and went hiking up a mountain (before I was afraid of heights...lol). There was a reservoir and a river that crossed through the camp site that we could swim in. We opted to swim in the reservoir and had a lot of fun, but what we did not know was that there were leeches in the water. I got out of the water after about a half hour and could not understand why my finger was burning so badly. There was a small hole in it and then I realized that a leech had attached itself to my finger. I was so grossed out and wondered what else could have been in that water that we could not see. Now I will never swim in murky water no matter what! I hate that fact that there could be anything in the bottom that could INGEST me for all I know. I love the beach but don't go to far in because the darker the water becomes, the more likely a SHARK is going to eat me ALIVE. I am so afraid of not knowing what lurks in the water that I refuse to swim in the pool at night. I am even afraid of the Kreapy Krawly pool cleaner for Pete Sake!!! IT COULD JUST SUCK ME IN YOU KNOW!!

Yes I know, I am a weirdo. There are some fears that really seem irrational, but I just cant shake these, no matter how hard I try. I certainly hope I don't pass them on to my kids, but sadly, it seems it might be already to late for L.

I guess then it is a good thing we don't fly to work, yet, have clean water come out of the tap and have light bulbs - or else I would become a HERMIT!!

A good Change

2010-09-02T11:47:00.001+02:00

My blog has not been running for that long and I am still learning about this blogging business, but there is one thing that I could never seem to be satisfied with, how my page looked. It always frustrated me that I could not get the look that represents my South Africanism and my personality at the same time. I read so many blogs that had all these great illustrations that were unique to them and wondered how they did it. I even googled ways to do it myself, but since I do not have my Photoshop Software yet, there was no way I was going to get the unique look I was looking for.

The other problem I had was trying to blend in the two things that I wanted. I love the colour pink, well since its, pink...lol . At the same time I love Giraffe and had no idea how to create an header with both included. Not forgetting something to represent the name of my blog. Being South African is important to me and I needed that to show as well.

While browsing a couple of days ago, I entered a blog that I love to look at and decided to leave a comment. I then read a few of the comments left before me and came across a guy who said he did and illustration of what the blogger had photographed and I was curious to see it. I went to his blog and saw that he does children's illustrations which were just amazing. So I decided to try my luck and mail him to see if he would help me change my header.

Low and behold, he mailed me back all the way from Bosnia-Herzegovina!! I told him what I wanted and in a short few minutes he had done it, and it is perfect!! I love how he put everything together, and I did not even tell him to use pink. Now I am a satisfied momma... and can now focus on promoting my blog, or at least try to...

Thanks Emir Isović ...You have made my Day!!!

Check his illustrations out at: http://superemir.blogspot.com/
And not forgetting his wife Mehtap Ozer's wonderful - The Old Curiosity shop

A Letter to Fred Hammond...

2010-09-02T10:19:00.002+02:00

Dear Fred,

I have known you since I was in my mothers whom. I heard you voice and danced to your tunes from the time I could stand. My family loves your music ministry since you formed Commissioned in 1982. My mom, my dad, my uncles and even my grand parents were ecstatic that a group was formed that did gospel music in a way that spoke personally to them. I remember long vacation drives, sitting on my knees, staring out of the back windshield, singing "love is the way" to the people in the car behind us...lol

I grew up to your music and my life was changed by the words you used to describe the love of your life. There was a sense of excitement in our house every time we heard of a new release, and the time we spent waiting for it to finally come to South Africa were agonising. I used to sit for hours learning the lyrics to the songs once we got the album and would always be the popular one in Sunday school because I always knew your music best.

Your music took us through dark times too. In October 2005, when you finally were coming to SA, my grandfather passed. I was in the car on my way to your first show and had no idea that my dear oupa (O paa) had gone to be with the Lord. My mom was with him when he passed and chose not to tell me since I had been waiting years for you to come to our country. She did not want to make it a sad occasion.

My entire family came to see the show on the Friday in honour of my grandad and in the words of my Uncle E "Life would not be the same if we did not go and see Fred Hammond, and dad would want us to go"

I am so grateful that I have had your music as the theme song to many events in my life. You have given me great memories to relive with my kids and now when I watch L sit and learn the lyrics to "Take my Hand" on the 'Love Unnstopable' album, I hope that he enjoys good memories from your music as well.

Thank you for listening to the heart of God and fulfilling your destiny in the way He intended for you.

You have truly been a blessing in out lives and will probably never know it.

With the Love from our Father

M.Jay.

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 4.

Open letter to a celebrity.

Forget... what was I going to say now?

2010-08-31T15:41:00.000+02:00

There are many things about being pregnant that I really enjoyed, the food, the belly and all the attention. But in the same note, there were things that I really despise!! I hated feeling as though I had a bottle of rum to drink everyday, that my back felt like it had a knife lodged into it and most of all, I hated the bad memory that it came with. I would always forget things and it would really get on my nerves. Luckily this feature never lasted after my first pregnancy with L. This time, however, I have not been as lucky.

I have used to keep the key to our house before I got a full time nanny ( a whole 34 hours ago ) since I used to get home before hubby. I would unlock the door and walk straight into the kitchen from the front door.
WAIT...You missed it didn't you. There is an entire living room and dining room before I reach the kitchen...so where is the key?!
Hopefully not not still in the door AGAIN!

This is the story of my life. It happens on almost a daily basis. It used to be funny and I keep telling hubby how easy it would be if we could attach a beeper to the houses key. But this seems to be something I am considering more everyday. Not only with the house keys but with my cell phone, my purse and every thing else valuable that I continue to lose.

I am probably the banks best customer in the card division as I have a habit of constantly losing my ATM cards. This is probably due to negligent but when I lose my purse, where do I keep my ATM card? In my pocket right, but then I still have the problem of forgetting the card in the jeans, and my card once again gets a spin in the washing machine. Mostly it is left on my desk at work, covered by a million pages and disappears with my work ( currently at my left elbow as I type this ).

What has really become worrisome is that I am forgetting things that are now affecting my life. Two weeks ago, I forgot to fetch L from Pre School. Luckily for me, he attends his grandmothers Pre School, but still. Then I nearly forgot about A as I walked out of the house the other day. I am not sure if I should be concerned and if this is at all temporary.

I have googled about it a few times and the one symptom that keeps hitting me is stress. I know I am stressed out, in my head, but I don't feel stressed and everybody around me would think I was doing really well. So where does that leave me? Maybe I should try forgetting about the stress and this will all go away. I already lost my purse on Saturday, I will not have the key anymore (full time nanny, remember) and because of her will never forget my kids again.

I really hope I remember to find out...

Guest Bogger: Unconditional Love

2010-08-27T10:55:00.000+02:00

I am a 28 - or is it a 29 year old first time mom, married to a wonderful man and fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom to my little girl, K. So what does this term actually mean? What do I do all day? How fortunate am I really?

Like all moms I love and would do anything for my little girl, who turns one on today. I chose to be a stay at home mom a long time ago because I believe that no one can look after her the way that I can. No one will love her more and most importantly I will know that she is safe; safe from 'ill' people and short tempers, safe from neglect and everything else that my paranoid mind could imagine.

After 5 years of marriage, we were planning to fall pregnant after 6 months, since I was on birth controls for 5 years. Instead I fell pregnant a month later (YIPPEE!!). I got what I wanted, or did I?
Hubby was supportive and we already made plans on how we were going to do things.

1)I was going to breast feed come hell or high water,

2)Hubby could sleep during the week nights but on Fridays and Saturdays I would get some sleep,

3)I would express and hand hubby the bottle for our little angel and catch up on so well earned rest,

4)She would sleep in her cot from day one and

5)Once I was healed I would be cleaning the house, cooking, waking up and making hubby lunch and breakfast and giving him a kiss before he went to work, just like before.

Then my world changed! It wasn't just turned upside down, it was pure chaos and I am not just talking about those first 6 weeks. K decided she did not want to latch, so there I sat in the hospital trying to do something I had no idea how to do. "Don't babies know how to drink from the breast themselves?" I asked myself. The answer was a big fat NO!! So there I sat crying - because my sweet angel was crying and I knew she was hungry. I felt so helpless because I did not know what to do. Finally we got it right (YES!!),and then for the next two weeks I realized K only wanted the left breast, but it was so sore, bleeding and very painful. Her tiny mouth could not latch properly which helped the pain but then I had to deal with my breasts being two different sizes. I now had a B cup and D cup and I looked like a freak!! K would not take her bottle no matter how hard I tried. She learnt how to exercising her freedom of choice so early and there was nothing I could do about it.

So there went that plan and honestly in almost a year I got only 4 nights sleep. Oh, did I mention my little busy body STILL does not sleep through the night, waking up every two to three hours and I am exhausted, the house is a mess with all the toys. I have resorted to cooking before I clean the kitchen and instead of eating now, I gobble! I have to keep her entertained constantly and the only thing I do for myself is a waxing appointment, which heaven knows I look forward to.

My biggest desire right now is to go out for a meal with my husband which is impossible because I have no one to help me:( My in laws, God bless them, live in Durban, 5 hours away, and parents stay about 40 mins away. If I have a horrible night ,tough, when k wakes up in the morning, so do I and NO I don't take a nap when she sleeps because I need to cook, eat, tidy up and express! Now where to fit in exercise so that I can lose the weight...I wish I knew...

I feel like I have to do 25 hours of work in a day. My day is so boring, the monotonous routine is driving me insane and the lack of sleep is making my hormonal system go crazy. To top it all off, I have working mothers tell me how easy I have it because I don't have to go to work or answer to a boss. Easy, yea right, they should give it a try. The hardest part of my day is that the only other person around is 71cm (28") tall and has a 3 word vocabulary. When something is not right I have to figure out what is wrong, unlike a computer programme, there is no help wizard or search button.

Don't get me wrong there are upsides like seeing all her milestones for the first time and being there when she is sick, but how about when everything is fine - boring - TRYING to feed her 4 times a day (she hates eating) - changing the 100th diaper for the day (which she will not lie still for) - taking 1 hour to leave the house just to buy bread and milk or lying in bed and waiting for her to wake up.

I love my little girl and I never knew how hard and lonely motherhood was but I learn every day and every time I hold her close my heart is filled with love and my body is renewed with energy because... I was right! No one will ever look after her better and no one could love her more than I do. It is the hardest job on the planet but for her I will rise to the challenge. She has shown me how strong I am, How patient I can be, How creative I have become and what love really feels like.

This Post was Created By S - My new and dear friend.
I dedicate this post to her Daughter K on her first Birthday.

My Lovely Summer...

2010-08-26T09:30:00.001+02:00

"I wake up in the morning, stretch my legs and take a walk to the balcony. I am hardly surprised by what I see in the distance outside my window. I can smell it in the air and cant wait to taste it with my toes. I know it will sooth me and cool me down, and I get exited at just thinking about taking my step first step into it." I have adored the sea since I was a young child and would drop everything just to spend time on the beach for an hour. I savour every moment I get to spend enjoying the sounds, the smell and the sand. Nothing optimizes summer like the sea.

"I take a step outside and a feeling of wamth latheres over my body, yes summer has arrived and the birds sing to the warm light, inviting it in. There is nothing like the fresh smell of plants and soil, the moist air from the night before and the wamth in the morning causing these fresh scents to swirl in the early morning rays."

The hot sun and the evening rains here in the Southern Hemisphere are telling that summer has hit our doorstep. The air smells so fresh in the morning from the rain that cleard it the night before. There is nothing more fullfilling than stepping out of the front door in the morning and being splashed with the smell of fresh plants and flowers in the.

"I walk back into the house, into the bathroom and take a quick shower. This is the part that gets me all rilled up. I take the bottle, open it and smell its contents. It smooths over my body, sweet smelling and softness which lasts all day. Its like making love for the first time, on a beautifull smmers day with the ocean so close by. This little bottle just makes it all so perfect"

Wondering what it is.... well to me the smell and feel of Lux lotion is what makes summer perfect for me. I love the way it feels and cant get enough of the smell.

My lovely summer

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 5.

What five images paint a perfect picture of summer to you? Put those five images together in a piece of writing. (Inspired by writingfix.com)

To spoil with guilt

2010-08-24T15:27:00.002+02:00

Hubby and I will be married for 3 years next month and in the time that we have been together, we have almost never bought ourselves something expensive. In the last few weeks we found ourselves with a bit of extra cash and have decided to spoil ourselves with two very expensive toys.

He got the Apple Mac Pro 15" i7 Notebook and I got a Canon D450 or Rebel Xti.

These are the most expensive "toys" that we have ever bought ourselves and we were both sooo exited to be able to do the things we love doing.

Hubby wants to do editing on the side for television and has been begging me for months to get him the notebook. I was reluctant to get it for him since it costs so much money, but he never really asks for anything and this was something he has wanted for years ( other than a Bentley of course ). Since we had the money, it just seemed ideal that we should get it now so that he could generate a little more funds that we could use for things like Montessori School education etc.

I, on the other hand, have been reading up a lot on photography in the last few months and have really taken a liking to it. I am not a pro by any means, but it is so much fun to experiment; who knows where it leads me. Everything that there is to learn about photography is quite overwhelming though, so I am taking in stride. I have already improved so much in the past few days and am just soaking up all the new information.

There is one down side to all this. Immediately after we left the shop with my camera, I was engulfed with this overwhelming feeling of guilt. I tried to shake it off but it felt like a big monkey I was sitting on my shoulder. Since this was the first time I bought something expensive for myself I had no idea why I was feeling so guilty until I saw my kids. I then realised that I felt bad that I had spent so much money on myself.

I always hear mothers say that we need to take care of ourselves as well, but I wonder how many of "those" mothers actually spend money spoiling themselves every now and then. Do they feel guilty or not?

Well I felt awful. It felt like I left my baby hungry for days because I wanted to be selfish and by myself a camera. I would never do this, and I think my kids have more than they need, but yet this guilt still lingers. As the days have gone by it has gotten better since I have gotten so much good shots of my kids, but it is there is there in the background.

I guess this is the down side to being a parent and more particularly a mother. There are times when we are forced to choose between our children and a guilty conscience. Either way we don't get anything out of the deal. Then one has to deal with worrying about what other parents would think about the money we spent. Hubby and I are so concerned about this that we have not even told many people about the things we bought. Not even my best friend knows, which is ridiculous, I know. I think it is that if we are in need of money in future, they might say something like " but you had money to buy a camera ".

I just want to enjoy the things we got without judgement, even though I am judging myself as well.

At least L and A, the people who matter the most will not judge us ...LOL

Happy anniversary... or ...?

2010-08-20T15:40:00.001+02:00

Today is exactly 19 days from my 3rd anniversary and I have been thrown for a loop because I cannot get what I was planning to get for hubby. So I am stuck and not sure what to do for him. I promised him an Apple Notebook by Sept and he is finally getting it today, but that is so technical. Not that Hubby likes romance or surprises, but if I cant plan something special it just takes out the fun of it all for me.

I usually have things planned out at least a month before, and I usually go extreme. But this time with finances at a low, and no car, I cannot plan a getaway or even just get a high tech device. So where does that leave me now?

On top of all that is holding me back hubbie is a really hard person to buy for. He does not want a new phone, and he does not go to the theatre. He brushes off romance and needs for nothing really. So thing leaves me with the ?, do I just buy something sexy to wear and dance for him or make him a splendid sushi dinner. I am definitely not as talented as Samantha in Sex and the City, and with two kiddo's, there is no way in hell that I am laying on a table with sushi covering my body, although that could be the one thing that he probably fantasizes about...lol

So here I sit, wondering if giving him something with me and the kids pics AGAIN would be enough or too much. I get my best ideas while under pressure, so who knows what I come up with?!

Dream On?!

She came back!!!

2010-08-20T14:23:00.001+02:00

Warning:

If you are a boy, man or specie with male parts, please scroll to the next post unless you aspire to become female. This post will either freak you out or make you sick, so do yourself a favour and move along.

So I have been bragging for the past 16 months that Aunt Flo has decided to give me and axteneded holiday since I was pregnant for 9 months and have been exclusivelly breast feeding for the past 7 months.

Just two days ago I was talking about how great it has been to not have to worry about damage controll and the terrible cramps that accompany her.

History:
Aunt Flo and I have a very bad relationship since our very first meeting at the tender age of 11. I had already gotten educated about it at school but did not realise that it would eventually happen to me.

I remember waking up that morning and went to the loo, when I wiped, what I saw made me want to faint.

I was bleeding in a place where there has never and was never supposed to be blood. I was surelly dieing!!

I called my mom and she came to check what was going on. I quetly whispered "There is blood in my panties", and I saw relief in her face. Being old school about these things she took me into my room and said " You have gotten you period, here is a sanitary pad, put it in your panty and dont tell anybody especially the boys about what happened" .

I dilligently listened to my mothers words and did not utter this information to a soul, even when I was sitting in the science class and it felt like someone was stabbing me in my stomach. I had never heard that Aunt Flo also came with a pain very similar to labour. I sat in the class and held my breath until I could not take it anymore. I eventually confided in a female teacher who sent me to get some pain killers and all was good until night fell. For some reason Aunt Flo really favours the sun. When it got dark her horns came out and I was crying in utter pain from the cramping. I was hoping that it was just a once off but she had planned our future together. Every month for the next 13 years, she would visit with her agonising punches to my womb and I had to sercumb to her evil.

Well the last 16 Months without her was pure bliss and I embraced her absence. Well it could only last for SO long. I have been back at work for the past 4 months now and have expressed less and less since A has started on solids. I knew that this was most likely going to bring dear Aunt Flo back but never paid it no mind. The only thing I was concerned about is that when she did come back (in 2020), it would be with a vengance as other Post Partum mothers had said to me.

So this morning when she made her comeback, it was quite subtle. No stabbing pain or even a warning. Things have gone well all day thus far and we seem to be handling each other well. But then again, the sun is still up.

So now the count down for evening to fall has begun. Will Aunt Flo reveal her evil hand or has she come in peace this time.

"Please can we start a new and fresh (painless) relationship this time. Pretty Please"

Maaa!

2010-08-20T08:25:00.000+02:00

Mummie,

From the first day I was born, you worried about me. My education, my future and my
life consumed your every thought. You are always trying to make provision for good schools
and trying to help me speak properly. I see that family and friends give you a hard time because
you are trying so hard to make us good citizens in society. And now that I am almost 4 years old
and almost all grown up, I can see that what you are trying to do is good for me. I am sorry that you have to worry about A's eyes and deal with my needs (wants) at the same time. I am sorry that I will only realize when I am older that my tantrums made you think you did something wrong.

I just wanted to ask you to take it easy, relax and enjoy us. We are safe in the Fathers hands and it is His job
to protect us and your job to love us. We are doing well thus far and we know that you only have our best
interest at heart. I would like you to just have fun with us and leave worry for other people. You are my mommie and I want to enjoy you for as long as I can.

Remember that I love you Ma!
L

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 1.

Dear Mommy and/or Daddy…(write a letter to yourself from one of your children)

The Trevor Noah Show...

2010-08-17T16:08:00.000+02:00

My husband has a lot of hook ups in the media world so we got the opportunity to go and see the recording of Tonight with Trevor Noah last Monday which was Woman's day.

Let me start by saying that I knew relatively nothing about him until I watched his DVD Daywalker. My sister did point him out as an MC on an awards show that we watched last year, I remember saying that he was cute, but that was it.

Well my family has completely become obsessed with this 26 year old that they do not know from a bar of soap. His stand up is what had us in the palm of his hand. Daywalker 2.0 was even better for me.
Now he seems to be taking over the world. Signing a deal with Cell Phone Company Cell C which has really put him on every billboard in every little town around the country. He did not even stop there. There are TV and radio advertisements, interviews and he is all over Twitter and Facebook. I am starting to feel like he lives in my house. He even had a radio interview this morning while we were casually listening on the way to work.

Well my 19 year old sister in law, J, is totally in love with him, so much so that she blushes when he comes on the TV screen. We decided to surprise her and did not say a word until we got the the studio. She did not even guess that something was up when I showed her his car. Then when he finally walked into the studio it hit her like a tone of bricks. She actually started to ball her eyes out. I have never seen her cry like that. She is most definitely his biggest fan!! It was so funny to watch her just oogle over him like a new born baby.

Well we saw the show, Hellen Zille and all and really had a good laugh. I decided to go and meet him and when I looked for J, she had disappeared behind my hubby. She was so nervous to meet him. We eventually took some pics and left for home.
J is still in shock and asks for my phone all of the time just to look at the pic...

Bless her soul, I used to be this crazy about the Spice Girls back when...

Anyhoo, Just want to say thanks to Trevor for making it possible for fans who don't have recourse's like Facebook and Twitter to meet him in person. J will be forever grateful for that day and I was just glad to give her something she would never have dreamt of.

Watch the Trevor Noah Show on Wednesday's on Mnet at 19:30 South African Time.

I'm back for good!!!

2010-08-17T15:26:00.001+02:00

It has been a total of 21 days since I have posted and now I am swamped at work but have decided to make a bit of time to post everyday.

Well my weigh in Mondays have taken a dip since we have been so busy with our lives and work that even thinking of eating " healthy" has not really been an option lately. So I just have to settle in with my junk loving fat self for the mean time...lol.

Anyway, the last couple of weeks have not been too exiting and all and all, as they say in Durbs. We have been trying to settle the claim with our scrapped car and are now driving in luxury, note, this luxury going back to the insurance at the end of August.

I have finally found a helper at home... and it is total heaven, even if she only comes two days a week. I am unfortunately a creature of habit so I have to remind myself constantly that I pay someone to clean now and that it is one thing I can cross off of my list every day when I get home.

I have found the perfect school for L to go to. Not that there is really anything wrong with his current Preschool, I just cannot stand it that the highlight of his day is the fight he had with one of the kids at the school. He came home with a bruise on his face the other day and that was the final straw. Now 'raising' the money for this ridiculously expensive Montessori school becomes my next task.

I have really started to immerse myself in learning about Photography in the past few weeks. Mind you I do not have the luxury of having a DSLR or a PC at home yet, but it is a working progress. I soooo badly wish I had the money for it since I feel like I am running out of time to capture my kids as they are right now. We are working on getting their, but since I promised hubby a Apple Notebook, that dream will have to be put on hold for a while.

That brings me the the exiting fact that my daughter A was invited to got to a photo shoot on Thursday to take pics for Great Expectations DVD!! I am sooo exited for her. She is becoming a little star that one...lol. Lets just hope that the fame does not got to her head lmao!

I wonder, is there anything I missed. I hope not, accept that I am a total facebook, twitter and BB Messenger freak these days. I looove My BlackBerry sooo much, I don't think I will need a new Phone for quite some time since it gives me all the highs I need these days...lol.

Mwah

2010-08-06T14:58:00.001+02:00

I travel about 40 min to and from work everyday, in the morning with hubby and in the afternoon with my colleague and her hubby. Well the hubby, L, usually listens to some crazy local radio station every day. It's not too bad but not great either. So this week he decided that he had had enough of the radio and popped in a mixed CD. The music was pleasant enough, but then a familiar song came up and I caught myself gasping when it started. I blew it off as a once off, but then it happened again the following day. I was a bit astonished at my reaction to the same song on two different occasions and when I thought about it, I realized why my breath kept being taken away.

When I started high school I fell in love with Brian McKnight and any tune that came from his mouth. I remember sitting in home room every morning singing his songs to my friends in the class. I loved every word in 'Back at one' and it became my theme song for that year.

Well this obsession carried on for a few years and when I was in grade 10 I met the man I was sure I was going to marry. He was exactly what I hoped for in a guy (even at the tender age of 15) and we were 'meant' to be together always. Our relationship was rocky because there were people who just did not approve of me in his life and my dad was dead set on the fact that I was not old enough to have a boyfriend. We got into trouble for each other and fought for our relationship for over two years, until I made the mistake to cheat on him. In my defence, I was still a child and longed for adventure. The worst part was that he did not find out about my infidelity...until I told him a few months later, out of guilt.

To make a long story short, he left me and I was soooo broken. I did not know what to do accept -sob in the rain for him to forgive me and beg him to take me back. Yup I was pathetic, I know. But hey, it worked. A few weeks later we decided to try again and I was soo incredibly happy that he had forgiven me, or so I thought.

A few short months later, the day after my birthday, he broke it off. I was so mad at him for not even showing up for my birthday and then breaking it off with me the next day!!! Who did he think he was to dump me like that. I mean I was his first everything (he was mine too) and he does this... how dare he!!! I put up a front that everything was ok for a long time and cried myself to sleep for almost 6 months in silence. He promptly moved on and I had to face him every week at church with his now wife.

Just as I hit 6 months of mourning, things started to look brighter until I hear THAT song by no one other that Mr Brian McKnight, yup you guessed it '6,8,12'. I broke down when I realized that it had been that long and just wanted to hide under a rock. I thought I had finally gotten over all this, but it hit me like a flood with those words.

I have since moved on and don’t even think much about those days, but it seems my heart still remembers the way I felt at that time. That song by Brian McKnight still tells of the pain I felt that year, when my dreams were shattered and I cried enough to take a nation out of drought LOL. I am glad I went through it though, I met someone who really is everything God intended for me and I am happier today.

I love you J...
And thank you N for breaking my heart so that I can find the right man for the job...;)

You can find the song here: 6, 8, 12

" Riding in car's with boys"

2010-08-05T15:10:00.001+02:00

I had this friend whom I used to attend church with, M. We were close enough to know quite a bit about each others lives and relationships. Well she had this boyfriend, E, that was a total nerd. He wore huge goggle glasses and spoke like he did not know how to swallow his saliva lol.
Well I kept away from him while she was with him and actually could not stand the sight of him. When they broke up she was devastated but acted as if things were ok until she heard that he liked me. I befriended some of his (good looking) friends and when they came to my house, they brought him with.
We slowly got to know each other quite well but I still had no feelings for him WHAT SO EVER!

The rest of this story still makes me feel grossed out; he asked me on a date and I am not sure what made me accept. I think I was dared or something. But we could not go on a regular date or his ex, and my friend, M would find out. So we ended up having the date in his little VW Mini Bug, at the shopping center 10 min away from my house. All was good until he tried to kiss me....
It was soooo gross and weird, I mean I was not even attracted to this guy and having his tongue shoved down my throat was just ewwww! He even tried to feel me off aaarrrggghhh!!!

Well needless to say, I broke it off once we got home, and yes my friend did find out.
I know, I was a horrible friend and have learnt from it, and she is still my friend today.

Side Note: I will be telling my daughter this story one day, hopefully it will keep her from "riding in cars with boys"...LOL

Now E's were hurt in this post, he actually found a beautifully woman to marry and have to lovely E'dlings.

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 5.

Describe the first date you went on in a boy’s car.

Wow, its been a while...

2010-08-05T14:47:00.000+02:00

I have not been that motivated to post in the last couple of weeks as we have been dealing with a lot of BS at home this past while. Just when I thought that all the drama in our lives was coming to an end, it just starts back up again. We were on our way to a debt free existence and things were looking good. I was so exited becasue it meant that I could finally get the DSLR that I have been looking forward to getting for the last while.

Then reality hit us in the butt. Last week hubby was yet again in another car accident. This time coming out with a few injuries, some we only discovered a few days later. He was so shocked when it happened that he sounded completely out of it when he called me. His exact words were " I think I was in and accident, I'm not sure".
Well needless to say, our car is a complete write off. Luckily hubby took out insurance on the car after the last accident which saves us a whole lot of pain right now.

We are waiting for a R9000 to be paid to us from people that owe us money and they are just dragging their feet with the payment. But hopefully all works out well.
Then today they call us and let us know that they want to reposses the car!! WTH, we just sorted out a few of our debts and now they want to take our , none existent, car away. Its like nobody will cut us some slack, I mean we are waiting for our money and cant do anything until we get it. I am just soooo mad that this has to always be our major problem.

But I am staying positive, even though we need to fork our a load of cash ASAP, at least their will be less things to pay in the long run and hubby and I can finally spend our money on the things that matter...

Aaaaah....

You are in Heaven

2010-07-22T15:43:00.000+02:00

Dear Aspen

It has been six months to the day that I felt like I was in heaven.
I went on a journey for 9 months to start my battle on the 21st of January 2010 and only to be victorious 36 hours later. The victory was a release of the negative energy I received from doctors, friends and family over my decision to have my you at home. I had to be an advocate for you, my body and for all women who were told never to attempt a natural birth after a c section. Some days it was exhausting, I was in so much pain that a c section seemed easy, but I did it. I made it, we made it.

I laid on the hallway floor with you in my arms, daddy holding me and just embraced the moment. The calm that fell over me was amazing.

I hear people say that when you go to heaven you walk into love, that moment was the equivalent. I persevered in love, pushed in love, and today I hold you with love.

Aspen you are a constant reminder of how strong I am, how strong you made me, how heaven feels.

Happy Half Birthday my tooth fairy, I am so blessed to have you, more blessed to know you, and greatly blessed to raise you.

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's Writers Workshop - Prompt no 4.

"How far to heaven? Just open your eyes and look. you are in heaven"-Shankar

Locked up for R3.99 ($0.53)

2010-07-21T16:00:00.001+02:00

I wanted to post about the horrible experience we had with the law last week but my Black Berry was trying to be funny...LOL

So anyway, it all started when I sent my hubby to go and buy some steriliser at the store for the baby. Well a few hours later I get a call from him. "Baby, we have a problem". Immediately I assume it's the the car as it has been giving us trouble for quite some time and I have his dad's number on speed dial for days like these. Turns out it was something I could not have thought of in a million years.

"I was arrested and put in a cell" he says, "They will not let me go and the security at the store will not hear me out".
Now I know my husband is not criminal, he is such a humble man and he would not go out of his way to bother anybody, accept me of course. So knowing me to be completely dramatic I ask him to explain what was going on.
" Well I felt weak in the store since I had not eaten all day, so I opened a R3.99 ($0.53) Kit Kat chocolate and ate it, put the wrapping in my pocket with the intention to pay for it at the counter".
" The wrapper fell out of my pocket and when I paid for the sterilizer and went to the door, the security asked me why I had not paid for the chocolate, and I said that I forgot. I then turned around to pay for the chocolate but before I could go back, I got arrested!"
At this point I was not sure if I was mad at hubby for opening the chocolate to begin with or the fact that they had locked him up in a cell and nobody wanted to hear him out. I mean he could have paid three times the amount for the chocolate, but nobody cared.
We spoke on the phone a couple of times as he waited for the cops to come and fetch him and I also called the Mall's offices and the stores managers to no avail. They could not have cared less and the way they treated me on the phone was disgusting. Now that I think about it I think I got a little over emotional since I caught myself crying, but should they not have been more sympathetic then?

Hubby then called me from the station to let me know that things are ok and that he would be on his way home soon. I then proceeded to get his favourite meal finished and put the kids to bed as I had planned on having a romantic evening with my jail bird that night, before all the drama.
Well all that came to a screeching halt when he called me again to tell me they were keeping him overnight and that I had to go to court to get him the following day. I was hysterical at that point and could not understand why my soft spoken, funny, humble husband was being treated like a common criminal over a R3.99!!!!
I tried calling him again to find out what had happened and could not get through to his mobile. So I mobilised the troops, his parents in this case, and we went to go and see what was the problem.
I was already extremely upset by the time we reached the station and started yelling at the cop there. They could not have been bothered by my ranting and carried on as if I was not there. They did eventually let me see him, and my heart sank when I saw how tired and horrible he looked. Mind you this was 11:30 at night and he had already fallen asleep, and at that time I had my 'increadibly upset wife' blinkers on.
The cops gave me all his things and I had to then wait for the following day to hear what would happen. I did not sleep at all that night, I just wanted him home and could not imagine how families deal with members who serve drawn out sentences.

I went to court the following day, missing an interview of the job that I really needed, and waited for the verdict. He had to plead guilty to shoplifting or else they would have kept him for another 7 days.
He later let me know why they had kept him. Apparently when they asked him for his address, he gave the wrong one. In his words 'I wanted to test to see if the cop was doing his job'. I was sooo mad that he would put me through that just to 'test' the cop.

Well everything is resolved, I did not get another interview and will most likely not get the job, but hubby got to spend the night in a cold cell for his games LOLOL.

On a serious note, this really did scare me, I am not sure why I feel this bad about it all but I do know that I do not want to go through something like this again.
My family thinks I am just trying to be dramatic, but I felt what it was like for someone that I love to be taken away from me against my will and really made me wonder what I would do if it ever became something permanent.
I pray that I don't lose those close to me and that I get to see my kids grow up as the pain of loss would be too much to bare.

So to my 'testing' hubby, I love you, but do it again and 'I WILL CLOBBER YOU'

LOL

Hubby and I when he had hair...

Weigh in Monday Week 3

2010-07-21T14:23:00.001+02:00

So the stress has been piling for the past week with family drama galor, and even though this is a really lame excuse at this point, I still have not started really looking at the way I eat differently. I did however start cooking more healthy meals, but since I am still trying to get an oven, I can only fry or microwave everything that I make. I am getting better at choosing great recipe's to eat though.

So since there is not much to say about this week accept the fact that I have lost nothing and gained nothing, I will leave you with a few random pics just for fun:

2010-07-13T10:59:00.000+02:00

So I have really slacked on updating lately, but I have had a lot on my plate so here is what really happened in the past two weeks.

I got up one morning about a week and a half ago and suddenly it dawned on me that I was going to die one day, weather I liked the idea or not. I found myself feeling afraid for where I would end up and what would happen to my kids. What worried me most is that hubby and I have some debt issues ( almost sorted ) and that I did not want that to be what I left my kids. So I took action and started to set up life insurance policies for hubby and I, a Will and a trust fund for my kids. My newly married cousin K and her hubby have agreed to be the guardians of my kids, and all that is left to set up is the funeral policies.
Now that all that is being handled, I sit here and wonder, do I really want to leave my kids behind, do I really want them to feel the trauma of loss, do I really want someone, anyone else raising them besides me. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. But the reality is there and if they don't have me, I want them to know that I went out of my way to give them the best in my absence. I pray that the Lord keep Hubby and I into old age, because I don't think I could bare my children suffering because of me.

So the rest of the two weeks have been pretty eventful. Since the Soccer World Cup was In my 'backyard' and Phillip (pronounced feeleep) was going to be around for two weeks still, my family took advantage of the things the government had opened for our visitors use. We went on the Gautrain, and man what an experience that was:

We went to Sandton just to see and listen to all these strange people who we only ever see on television. Sandton was packed with people like I have never seen it before, and man were there a lot of foreigners!!!

They spoke a lovely Spanish and dutch, languages that just seemed to flow off their tongues. Is it not strange how a different language makes a man 10 times more sexy than he really is...lol.

' Jesus Navas, say it to me one more time...'

And those dreamy eyes...

Coming back to reality... it has really been an experience and man has there been some great world cup memories:

Our Stadiums

The First Goal

Oracle Paul

Diego Forlans Goals

Diego Maradona celebrates

Vuvuzela'sThe Fans

Jimmy Jump

MadibaShakira

Spain wins!!!

And now that it has come to close and Spain getting all their deserved glory, life just goes back to normal here in our great country. It seems so strange now, there will no longer be the count down, football Fridays and the annoying men on the side of the road selling every flag you can think of LOL. I am so proud of my country for hosting an incredibly successful World Cup, we outdid ourselves and those who criticised us have to swallow their words. I would not trade South Africa for the World and am glad God chose me to be a citizen in this wonderful land.

We did a family photo shoot in the middle of all this too:

Thanks Jana - Images for Life

Wow we have been busy.

We have had so much fun in this past month, it has come time now for us to move the the serious things, me, hopefully getting a new job and then finding a new house, it is all so exciting.

Weigh in Monday Week 2

2010-07-12T11:34:00.001+02:00

OK, so I took the initiative to start this last week, its a pity that I have not been as diligent as I wanted to be. I think I ate everything that I was not supposed to last week, and unfortunately blamed it on not feeling so good...lol. The thing is, this is not at all uncommon for me. I always start out this way. I tell myself that it is time to start losing the extra baggage, but never actually get anywhere with it. I am not sure if this is a personality problem or if I am just not motivated enough. I would love to say that it was a medical problem though, then I would not have to blame myself for turning into Godzilla!!
So here are the stats for this week:
I STILL WEIGH 97kg's!!!
What, did you think that it had changed at all. I don't think chocolate and potatoes would have helped me lose a single kg!

The good thing out of this is that my hubby still finds me attractive, thank God. I don't know what I would have done if he thought I were gross. He must really love me though because when I look into the mirror, I see nothing attractive about this body.

So here is to a second start, even though I have already had two cups of tea with four sugars in each and have had both my breakfast and lunch before lunch time. Let see how this week goes and maybe I can manage to drop some of my horrible eating habits.

What would I change about my life if I could....

2010-07-09T14:45:00.001+02:00

I love most of my life the way it is right now and have not dared to think how things would be if it were different since that would mean I would not have my kids, but if I were still to have the same ones this is what I would have changed:

I would have loved to be the sweet and good child who always listened to my parents and made them proud with the things that I did.

I would have studied harder in school, not to just pass, but to take the best of ... prize and to maybe get accepted into a university.

I should have applied for university when I finished school instead of spending the entire year dating a dead beat cannabis smoking thug and practically licking his feet.

I think the one thing I should have waited to do was having sex, I don't regret who I did it with the first time, but I do regret doing it so early in life.

I should have just dated my now husband without "trying" to fall pregnant and not knowing what the hell I was getting myself into.

Since I was pregnant at 19, I should have done more research on birth and child care, I was in a trance and just wanted it all over with, causing me to have and unnecessary C Section and I did not really bond with my son until about a year later.

I really wish I would have bought a house in a good suburb instead of the run down flat that we had to rent out when the recession hit.

We should have asked advice when we bought a car from the dealership because we just found out, three years later, that the car was in an wreckage and it in itself was and accident waiting to happen.

There are a few things I would like to change right now.
I wish I would be a good christian wife to my husband and inspire him to love the Lord like he used to.
I should be teaching my children about the Bible and God, but have put it off, for no reason in fact.
I should be applying for new jobs while I sit at my desk right now and write this lol.

I would love to change the fact that my hubby has no idea what romance is in any shape or form and would love to imprint the directions on 'how to spoil your wife' on his skull. I
would love to change the fact that I weigh 97kg's (213lb's) overnight and be able to wear a sexy short skirt and feel fabulous in it, I hate dressing room mirrors buy the way!!!
I would definitely move next to the ocean if I could, I loooove the ocean and man do I miss it some days!
There is however one thing I would love to change about me above all the other things, I would like to be the soft spoken girl, with the addictive personality that people cant resist. I know a few people like this and I could not help but become their friends just because of the type of people that they are. It is strange though, I am loud and crazy but the very person who gave birth to me is exactly who I would like to be.
One more thing came to mind, I would love to keep my big boobs, breastfeeding has been good for my self esteem...LOL

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 1.
What would I change about my life if I could....

Weigh in Monday Week 1

2010-07-05T16:01:00.002+02:00

So this is it, the day that I have been putting aside forever. I just really hate not having to eat what I want, and I want everything. I love nice things so much that if I know there is something nice in the cupboard to eat, I actually get exited like a little kid. Wrong, I know, but I cant help it. From childhood I used to do a little dance when I taste something that i s really good, and I see I have passed it on to my son. It is so cute, but I don't think ti will be cute if he looks as big as me in his twenties, so here is to teaching my family about living healthy.

So here are the numbers:
I weigh in at : 97 Kg's - 218.8lb's
I am :  1.71 Metres Tall
My Waist : 125 cm's

I write this very calm now, but when I looked that the scale, I nearly passed out. I have gained 8Kg's since January and seem to keep getting bigger.

Food: The good thing is I can't diet and don't want to anyway since I am breastfeeding.
I have 'cheated' today so far with the yummies but will do better tomorrow.
I had one wheatbix with muesli for breakfast as apposed to the usual two. I had an apple but since I did not make lunch ( my bad ), I had two packets of Nick Nack's, a popcorn and a croissant. At least the number of sugars in my tea has come down from 4 to 1.5 and I only had one tea for the day. I am still slacking on the water drinking and I have to make better food choices.
For supper we will be having pouched Haddock, rice and steamed veg. My food will not differ much from my family, except I will have brown rice and I will watch my portions as I used to eat for up to three people.

Exercise: I love doing aerobics, but I got the Taibo 2 DVD on Saturday and hopefully am able to use it from tomorroww morning. I also want to start taking the stairs at work and see how well that goes.
This is my Starting Pics:

Weigh in Monday

2010-07-02T15:05:00.002+02:00

I log on to different parenting sites everyday to find out more about ways and methods to raise my kids better and also to interact with the ladies that have kids in the same age groups as I do. Everything was going so well until they decided to start talking about weight. I though I was perfectly fine in my ever growing body and my body was fine with me feeding it chocolate muffins everyday. But when it came up so many times it the past two days, both of us started to wonder if it was time to stop telling people that we were carrying baby weight. I mean its already been 5 months, and this time a C section can't be blamed for not exercising.
So I have come to the decision to finally do something about my weight.

I have always been an overweight person, and my weight has really varied over the years, but I have never really put any effort in trying to lose the weight. I wonder what my hubby would do with a thin wife? He met me fat, married me fat and kept feeding me 'fatter'. But I think things have gotten to the point that he is becoming concerned over my weight.

The other day in the elevator, I spoke to a girl that I have befriended at work. She is overweight, bigger than I am in fact, and the first thing she says is "are you going to gym?". Thinking this is an odd question to ask I say "Why?". She promptly finishes by saying " well you have gotten so fat".
If I wanted to be rude (thought about it) I would have gasped and insulted her right back, instead I took the high road and decided to brush it off by saying " if my hubby still finds me sexy than I have no worries".
Man was I fooled. I decided to tell hubby about the encounter and he replied with something he has never said to me in the 5 years we have been. together,
"Well you are getting fat, I mean you don't stop eating". WTH!!!
I would have understood if I was not shocked and too busy putting on my hurt face. I mean you bring all these yummies home all the time, and now when they have all gone to my A$$, you have something to say.

I have to admit, in my dramatic moment, I knew he was telling the truth. I am the one who kept telling people I was losing weight when I knew that my 'before baby' jeans were getting tighter every time I wore them.

I do have a food monitor though, she scolds me every time I go for seconds or eat a little something sweet. My mom really has an issue with my weight, so I try my best to divert her comments. I mean is it not enough for the mirror to remind me all the time , do I really need you to remind me that I am fat too?!

There are so many reasons I could say that would justify me wanting to do this now, but the truth is, there is only really one,well two. I want to feel energetic enough to run with my kids and not have to worry about my sugar dropping when there is nothing around to eat. I know I am causing myself and array of medical problems, but it is sort of like when I used to smoke. I loved smoking because it tasted good, was something for 'just' me but I knew it was killing me. I quit with both my pregnancies and have not started back up at all. If my kids were a big enough motivator for smoking, then they could be a big enough motivator to lose weight too I guess.

I will post a 'Weigh in Monday' Every Monday with my weight, what I have planned for the week regarding food and exercise and how I am feeling about my weight that week. This is the process to me finally healing my weight issues physically and emotionally.

Oh and to those who said I could not do it over years ( you know who you are) I HAVE A POINT TO PROVE AND A SCORE TO SETTLE....lol

They think they know

2010-07-01T12:40:00.001+02:00

I have made many friends over the years, good and not so good and only a few have stuck around long enough to know where and who I am today. I love to be close to people and have the habit of telling them everything about myself, or so they think. Although many of them may not believe it, I think there is a lot more to me than meets the eye, and there are some things I just sit and think about in my own time. This past weekend is the first time I shared some intimate feeling with my husband, things that I have felt for year that I never actually said out loud. The funny thing is that when I finally opened my mouth about it, I felt a little release and that I need to open up about thinks like that a little more.

My family and friends like to tell me that I am over opinionated and that I always think what I do is the best, well it may seem that way but it is not. What they don't know is that a lot of the advice I have given them does not actually come from what I think. I am so paranoid about making mistakes ( I know I cant avoid them) that I research everything. If something pops in my head, off to the Internet I go and find out what all these people and doctors I will never meet have to say on the topic. When I was younger, I gave people advice on my own accord, but experience has taught me that I ma not that good of and advisor and that there are an array of other people in the world who are educated enough to give the kind of advice needed.

I know there are times that I come across as arrogant and my sister continues to tell me that I like to push my opinions on people. What nobody really knows is that this is the only way I can make myself really heard. As a child I grew up thinking that nobody really listened to how I felt and what I needed. This is what led me to the belief that if people listen to you, and you to others, that so many issues could be dealt with head on. I am anal about listening to my kids when they need me and my panties really get into a bunch with people who pay no attention to their children's attempts at getting their attention. Does your child really have to start smoking meth before you pick up that there is a need. These things start as early as three years old, and if we listen, our kids will learn to listen; (courtesy of Dr Phil) " we teach people how to treat us".

What I want to know is, is it so wrong to offer advice to people? In my case, the people who I give the advice to, are the ones who come and ask for it. Most of the time I have done so much research on the topic that I just know what to say. Is it arrogant to just know what to say? I think the horrible thing is that the people who want to advice are the ones that judge the advice.

At least I can say this, I don't do all this research for nothing. I want to be prepared one day when my kids come and ask me things about the world. I want to be the one that they come to because they know I listen and that my opinion never involves the statement "because I said so". People can judge me all they want for what and where I get my information but at least I am trying to be a step ahead of my ancestors and know that the advice I am giving is factually correct. Hopefully my kids thank me for it one day.

This Post was inspired my Mama Kat's writers Workshop - Prompt no 4.
People Would be surprised to learn that...

Man oh Man!

2010-06-30T16:25:00.000+02:00

This this morning started out pretty good. Got ready to walk out the door with my lunch box for the day and three tins of my Breast Milk lined up on top. I really tried moving as fast as I could despite my hubby hasting me on, and then it happened. One of MY milk tins fell, cracked and the milk spread ALL OVER THE FLOOR. This is probably not as dramatic as I make it sound but it breaks my heart to lose a single drop of the milk that I work so hard to produce for my TF. I (subconsciously) start yelling at my hubby because it is his fault the tin broke and my precious gold laced milk lay all over the floor. He then proceeds to say that the fact that I expressed milk three times a day, every week day, was not his problem; (slight exaggeration) and that we could FORMULA FEED. I think I lost it right there.
Well all this has a history. I think appreciation is important for any relationship to be successful. I would think that the fact that I slave away for my child everyday was something worth appreciating. Well apparently not. I really gave him a mouth full right after his little comment and then just stopped talking all together. I then took time to think about it and this is what I got:

Is appreciation more for the person giving it, or for the person receiving it. I think hubby is a great dad and love to show him (actions speak louder than words) but I seem to fade into his background in that department.

When we were just married, I used to get ultra exited to do things for him and would plan weeks and sometimes months in advanced. I was sure to find out what exactly he would (or I thought he would) love and put in all my time and money to try and give it to him. Since I was so exited to do all this, I though that it would be the same with him. Well what a kick in the but I got when days like valentines day rolled around. To him a kiss on the cheek is enough to make my day. IMAGINE THAT!!! How DARE he not fawn over gifts for me, how DARE he not recognise that I am a princess and should be treated as one; and most of all how DARE he not turn into the Prince at the ball and give me the most romantic evening at the ball, HOW DARE HE!!!

I learnt very quickly that overreacting (what I am known for) was not going to get me anywhere. What I unfortunately did not learn is that pushing him to appreciate me was and sadly still is not working.

My friend H's husband is the poster child for what all husbands should be. He does everything for her short of cleaning her toe jam with his tongue lol. He spoils her rotten just because she is his wife and she need not ask for a thing. What I find strange about it is in the 'coloured' community, if your husband fawns over you, you are either controlling him or you "toor" (bewitch) him.
We are living in a modern day and age and men should then want to learn how to treat their wives.
The bible says that a man should love his wife, the word 'love' there being used loosely but essentially means appreciating her, to me that least. An appreciated women is always ready to give more of herself and I have never seen one who was unhappy.

I just got my hubby to understand that I am not supper woman but how do I make him see that sitting in that cold room three times daily, having my upper body exposed at night and regular wakings are all for the good of our child; and that I am at the same time trying to save on the cost of ever having to buy formula. How do I make him see that laying on the floor and pushing my entire anatomy out of my bottom was not an easy feat at all; but most of all, how do I make him see that I am a woman, and my task is to take our family to new levels, although it be behind the scenes. If I am appreciated, I want to always strive to become a better mother, wife and person because someone sees how hard I work to be best.

Blog You....

2010-06-30T15:22:00.000+02:00

I started out this blog as a way of just having a space to share, but after today I realised that blogging extends far beyond that. This is a means of not only sharing my life, but also interacting with those that can relate to me. Today I did some reading on blogging, and man does it seem like an unending mission of posting comments and getting yourself out there. I don't know if I have the patients for all that... but I know I certainly have the time. I wonder if there is no easy way of advertising yourself. Or am I even that interesting to begin with in the first place. There are 6,697,254,041 (can you say that) people on the planet and I just want a portion of that to notice little me in here. I bet if I ran around naked some would notice...LOL. I wonder, how interesting can being a wife and mom really be... I see ladies like Mama Kat doing it, but they seem to have and know all there is to this, I wonder if she started out as clueless as I am right now?!
Well, I am going to put effort into doing what I do best, talking a whole lot and hoping someone is entertained my my blabber mouth... LOL

A's was Welcomed into the family of God...

2010-06-29T13:11:00.000+02:00

Sunday the 29th of June was my Tooth Fairies dedication. I finally found her a sailor dress and she looked so adorable in it. The Day went really well with us attending service at 09:30 in the morning and then having KFC on the way home lol. When I got to my mom's place, there was already some family there.

We ate and ate while watching Trevor Noah's "DayWalker" (really funny...lol) and then getting into the Germany Vs England game.

The day was great and I took some lovely pics of my TF.

A, J and Me

My Aunt J and My cousin D who lives in the US.

My Best Friend D.

My Unlce's Pst G, E and E2 ( no that is now alcohol in E2's hand )

My Sister C.

My Son and My best friends son L and N.

My mother in law and her sisters.

and my flower girls, S, J and K.

These are the adorable pics we got of my TF.

I am so happy that we had her dedicated after such a long delay. Now I feel secure that she is in God's hands and that His Will will be done in her life.